HOW TO DEAL WITH THE POSSESSIVENESS OF MOTHER-IN-LAW ON YOUR HUSBAND?
A woman devotee asked this question (Name hidden):
“Please hide my name for both questions.
Hare Krsna Prabhuji, I faced a tough married life, my mother-in-law was very possessive over his son, my husband, he being youngest of two sons and also stayed far away from her for 10+ years. I married at the age of 24, thinking me to be young, She used to constantly nag me day in and day out and I didn’t have any breathing space. I was quite immature to deal with her constant nagging. Many times, I have back answered her and raised my voice against her due to anger. I just couldn’t tolerate her nagging. She was so attached to my husband that she used to tell me, when you will become a mother, you will understand my situation. Prabhuji, I faced a lot of problem due to her posseSsiveness to my husband. Though, I still don’t have a kid, If I get a son in future, I wish to not be attached and possessive towards him and allow him to lead his married life peacefully. Please give me tips. How should I prepare for it.
Prabhuji, when I got married at the age of 24, at that time my co-sis did not have a kid. My wish was to get a child sooner than her and get a good name in my in-laws family. But my co-sis got pregnant before me. For this reason, I got jealous on her from my mind and was expecting bad things for her like miscarriage, abortion and death of the kid in my mind. I didn’t do anything in action. I know what I thought was not correct since she was expecting her first child. Now, I am still to get my first child even after 5 years. I feel frustrated. Will this have an effect on me bearing a child. I am 29 years now.My horoscope says, I’ll get a child. I am repenting for my thoughts. Please show me the right direction.”
Don’t mistake me for telling this. You need to change some of your way of thinking.
I am clear that you are the 75% of reason for your suffering, not others.
There are two issues in your case:
(1) You are unable to face the possessiveness of your mother in law with your husband.
(2) You get jealous with co-sister for getting child before you.
Let us analyze the both:
(1) The reason for the first one is the trend that is prevailing in most of the families.
Your husband is first the son of your mother in law. She only gave him to you. She has developed her son till this age and entrusted to you.
Because of this bond, she may have excessive attachment with her son. We can ‘t find fault in that.
Of course, she should maintain a certain distance after the marriage of her son because he has to engage his wife also. The wife too will expect care and love from him.
This is what causing issues in many families.
I see this in a different view. When a mother is taking care of her son, part of the load comes down for the wife. She need not take care of her huband as an individual. Her mother in law will share the burdens to much extent.
Only when the husband is failing to take care of the PERSONAL NEEDS of his wife including physical needs, a wife should worry.
Until he is taking care of you and his mother simultaneously, you need not worry for the bond between your husband and his mother.
If your mother shows excessive respect with your husband, it won’t look offensive for you. Only when your mother in law does the same, it appears unnecessary for you.
This shows that you have not yet started to consider your mother in law like (or) as your mother too.
When you too consider her like (or) as your mother, her affinity with her son won’t irritate you.
In another angle, if you do all the works of your family along with your mother in law, it will make your husband more comfortable and attached with you. Because he will consider you as a wife who is accommodative and who naturally mingles with all in the family.
If your mother in law wishes to serve food to your husband, allow that and you too serve some dishes along with your mother in law. If she is talking with him leisurely and cordially, you too join in the discussion.
Take the decisions in the family after a common discussion with all the family members.
Such an atmosphere will make the family naturally calm and happy.
Such an approach will definitely reduce her nagging and even if she acts so, keep calm without reacting. This will avoid aggravation of the issues.
In case your husband fails to fulfill any needs for you, you and your mother in law can join and ask him. Your mother in law will definitely speak for you to her son publicly. Or, she may advise you to bear for a certain period, like that.
Thus, follow an INCLUSIVE TECHNIQUE in the relations in the family.
This will keep the situation normal and cordial.
And, you need not worry for your son/ daughter about following the same approach in his/ her married life later. The trend that will exist in future after 25 years will be different and no one can dominate other in those period. So, cultivate him normally without making such issues offensive in front of him/ her. That is enough.
(2) As far as your second issue is concerned, you felt jealousy on your co-sister even in this birth. Then, imagine how jealous you would have been in your previous birth(s).
Only because you had such a jealous mindset in your previous births, your child birth is getting delayed in this birth.
Because of your jealousy, you would have remained a cause for the delay of getting conceived for any women in your previous birth(s). That means, you would have prevented a couple from mating frequently in the previous birth(s). So, they would have got delay in their getting child. That affects you now.
This is understandable from your present attitude of getting jealous on seeing your co-sister getting conceived before you.
So, change your attitude. Atleast in this birth, feel happy seeing others happy. Pray for the well being of others.
Ask for forgiveness for your past negative attitudes from God. This will give you relief from your past negative karma.
This will also give you a child in near future.
Don’t add any negative karma by spreading negative vibrations seeing the wellness of others.
Once it is certain that you have changed your attitude, you will be blessed with a child.
Try this from this moment.
Also read this post on conceiving a child earlier.
Hope this helps.