Actual Question from a girl (Name hidden) on life partner:
“Hi Anna, hare Krishna, thanks alot again.. please hide my name, one of my friend was asking, how is life partner decided, I had no answer, I said I know one Uncle, who believes in alot in Krishna and karma will ask him, can you please tell Anna, what karma helps us choosing our life partner, how does Krishna decides our life partner?? Please reply back.”
In your message, you first addressed me as Anna and then have written as uncle. In my mother tongue Tamil, Anna means brother that differs from uncle. Keep it as Anna, not uncle. (Just made fun).
Marriage is the most important turn of event in one’s life.
It is the event after which the entore life is changed – either positively or negatively or both.
If the spouse happens to be very understanding, the life becomes a heaven.
In case, he/ she happens to be narrow minded and torturous, the life becomes a hell.
Let me explain this with the people known to me as case studies:
I have a relative – cousin. He was the elder son of the big family that had 5 sons and 5 daughters.
My cousin is a gem and he has no bad habits and he is very duty oriented without selfishness.
Both the father and mother died in 2 years gap.
So, the family came under his care. Four brothers and five sisters – all are between 7 and 27 years of age.
What he will do? Single earning. Ten members.
Only if he marries, others can be given in marriage.
So, he married a middle class girl. She too happened to be a gem – soft spoken, trustful and not even asking even a single question when her husband spent for the studies of his family members.
He spent almost all his earning for them. She was telling only one phrase: “Do that. It is our duty. They are our children”. Nothing else.
She knew nothing else except smiling in any situation.
He brought up all the nine members and gave them in marriage – note – all the nine members.
Now, the family is well settled.
Not even a single question of why should we spend for all.
All the nine members are now happily leading their life. One brother became liquor addict after marriage. Did he leave him uncared?
No. He brought him to his home, gave rehabilitation treatments for months and then set him right.
Thus, he replaced the position of his deceased father and his wife acted as their mother.
Now, tell me, if the wife happened to be selfish and narrow minded, what would have happened?
The family would have scattered like the unbundled amla bag.
Just because a wife, the entire family became settled in life.
How could he get such a gem as wife?
It is his good karma in his past life.
He must have faced severe torture from his wife in his previous birth. Still, he would have taken care of her well and led a responsible life without escaping from his duties.
Hence he has been given a gem as his wife.
Note: He later embraced ISKCON’s way of devotion after finishing all his family duties. How beautiful this is to hear! Instead of skipping the duties and going to God, he did everything and then embraced devotional way of life.
This is the right family and right approach. I have never seen a person like him so far in my life. I learnt the way of responsible living from him.
I know another boy. He married a girl through arranged marriage. She happened to be a ‘call girl’ before marriage and her family had hidden this fact and gave her in marriage to him. He found it out even during the first night.
He became broken.
Next day itself he sent her to her home.
He filed a divorce case telling the fact.
She blackmailed him. She said that she will sign for divorce only if he gives her rupees six lakhs.
He wanted to part her at any cost. He bargained and then came to a deal for Rs.3 lakhs. He gave that money to her and got her signature for divorce.
Now, he married another girl and lives happy.
Why such a miserable fist marriage for him?
He would have had relations with many girls before and even after marriage in his previous life. Hence he faced such a wife in this life.
I know another boy who was very attached to his two sisters.
Being the elder member, he married first.
Stage by stage, his wife tortured him to go for a separate nuclear family.
How could he part his loving sisters and old parents?
No other way. He had to part because of the pressures of his wife.
Then, his younger sister ran with a lover and returned back with failure. Another sister said that she does not like to marry. His parents died one by one.
Then, that elder sister is going to job and taking care of her younger sister.
This boy was witnessing all these things unable to part his wife out of sexual needs.
What will happen to this boy in his next birth?
He will get a big family and he will be forced to take care of that family in his next birth and he may have to sacrifice his marriage in his next birth for failing from his duties to his family members.
What these case studies show?
(1) A spouse is given to us based on our way of dealing the family duties in our previous birth.
(2) Had he tortured his wife in his previous birth, he is tortured in this birth taking birth as a girl or even a boy.
(3) Had he done his duties perfectly as a husband, he is given a very loveful and cooperating wife in this birth.
(4) Had he cheated his wife having multiple affairs in his previous birth, he gets a cheating wife or cheating husband in this life with multiple affairs.
(5) Had he sexually spoiled a child of another man, his child is sexually assaulted in this birth. To facilitates this, his child would also have been a person who had been a pedophile in his previous birth.
(6) Had he behaved as a responsible son performing all his duties in his previous birth, he gets a very good son in this birth.
(7) Had he tortured his spouse very severely in his/ her previous birth or if he/ she had stopped the marriage of anyone, he has no marriage in this birth.
These are just a few examples.
All our present happenings are because of our activities in our previous birth.
What we have to understand from this is that we should lead a very responsible life now without material attachments, but, attachment with the God to escape from karma.
This is the resolution we should take immediately and follow.
Hope you are clear now.