How to deal if you feel that your parents neglect or do not love you?
A girl (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Would like to share my pain. I’m married and still supporting my mother. I’m eldest among 3 siblings. I have brother and sister. Eventhough I’m supporting my mother financially, every month I’m giving her certain amount of money, but she never tell anyone that I’m supporting her. If anyone asks her also she is reluctant to tell this. I feel very hurt with her behaviour. She let others think bad about me. I’m really sad with this. She always praise other girls as good since I was small. At the school, I was the good student with good attitude. My teachers used to praise me but my mother never do that. I got loan and scholarship for my education too. She never spend for my education but never appreciate. I used to call her everyday to talk to her since I’m staying far after marriage but sometimes she cancel the call while talking. I never feel her love. I’m really sad.”
This is called expectations and attachments. Let me reply you with spiritual touch. It is necessary here.
Lord Krishna says in Bhagavad Gita:
C-2, T-63: (This is the continuity of verse -62): Anger gives delusion; Delusion gives Bewilderment of memory; This Bewilderment of memory gives loss of intelligence; Finally, due to this loss of intelligence, one falls down!
Here, thinking of material objects means, we are developing attachment with the material relation of motherhood. Even the body of mother is a material. But, the real person is the athma that is residing within your mother’s body.
That athma does nothave any relations with you. Athma’s only relation is with the Paramathma Krishna.
Therefore, you should see your mother as the part and parcel of Krishna, not your mother that is a material relation.
The nature needs a body of woman to bear the child and deliver. It needs a body of a man to spare his seeds to the woman to make a child.
Since the seed giver and egg giver-cum-child bearer are the instruments who helped in producing you as a daughter, you call them as parents, ie, father and mother.
But, the actually, they are your parents only for your present body. In your previous births, you had different parents and in your next birth you will have some other persons as parents.
Once a person dies, all his relations with the others come to an end.
As the human beings, we are expected to have a merciful heart. They are our parents for this birth. So, they deserve respect and care.
Therefore, as a daughter, you should serve them as a duty.
Whether your parents are able to show their love or not; Or, whether they care you or not; Or, whether they give good education or not; Or, whether they are disciplined or not, you are in a position to show your respect to them.
You are respecting their position as parents.
Haven’t you seen the sons keeping and taking care of their fathers though their fathers are drinkers adding ill repute to the family?
Why they do?
Because, if they throw their father away for their drinking habit, they deny them their right to be in their son’s care. If they are deserted and died on a public place without care, the son adds karma.
Because, whether good or bad, he happens to be his father.
So, the son performs his duty of tolerating and maintaining his FATHER, not any other person. The position is respected. That’s all.
In the Ramayana, Rama gave all respects and honours for the mother though she sent him to forest. Though she did not show her love, Rama showed His respect to the position of MOTHER.
In your case, your mother did not desert you. She may have some reasons/ justifications or reasons for behaving so because she too is a conditioned soul who have all the weaknesses and she can not be a perfect lady.
No conditioned soul can be perfect because he/ she has imperfect senses.
Because of his/ her imperfect senses, he/ she may have wrong judgements about others.
If you analyse yourself, being a conditioned soul, you too may have so many defects. If you feel any of your quality like anger, nervousness, negative thoughts, etc., may be annoying to others including mother, please change that. Be honest in analysing yourself.
No conditioned soul (human being) can act perfectly in all respects. Everyone WILL have some defects in any particular aspect that differ from person to person.
For example, a drinking father may have abundant love with his children.
Even a thief may be very loveful to his wife and children.
A Policeman may be strict in his police station, but, may be very kind to his children.
A student may have very good talents, but, he may score less because of his laziness.
Even great scientists have failed in their personal life because they could not balance the both.
Thus, every conditioned soul has defects.
Therefore, just proceed with your studies and prove yourself. Score high, earn well and make yourself appreciated by others. When others appreciate you, your mother too may start to realize.
It is just a matter of a few years. Just concentrate in your duties without bothering for these unimportant things. Things will change in due course of time.
I too have faced such partiality and the things changed when I proved that I am innocent as well as sufficiently intelligent in my life.
Hope this helps you.