12 Practical Tips to avoid anger tension and Nervousness in life!
TWO QUESTIONS FROM TWO FOLLOWERS:
(1) A girl asked like this:
I have few problems. Would you help me overcome this. I have Kuja Dosha. Mars is in 8th position in my chart. Many say due to this I have violent temperament. Anger is on my nose. Sometimes I am not able to control it and I usher hurtful words. I want to reduce my this nature. Is it possible since my natal chart says it’s my nature. Please guide me how to lead a satvik lifestyle. Also what is parihara, is it necessary to do for any Dosha?
(2) A girl who requested anonymity asked like this:
“I am from Mysore. My dad and mom are gems and they are doing everything for me. But, I am affected by the incidents in the outer world. So I become out of mood and scold my parents even when they call me for taking food. Sometimes, I scold my friends and well wishers also. So, others fear to speak to me. But, I know I am a good girl. If I score less in any test, i show anger on others. Please help me to control this and I will never forget you in my life.”
REPLY:
Before reading this reply, you may read the following post in our another site for spiritual tips to avoid anger:
(10 POWERFUL TIPS TO CONTROL ANGER THAT AFFECTS EVEN THE DEVOTEES! READ HERE!)
(1) FIRST LET ME GIVE THE TIPS GIVEN BY ME EVERYWHERE FOR CONTROLLING ANGER:
The reason for anger is ONLY ONE. I have been repeatedly telling this:
EXPECTATIONS. NOTHING ELSE.
When we expect anything, if it becomes favorable to us, we get elated. If it goes negative, we get disappointment first that turns as anger later.
How to deal with this anger?
If you expect a seat in Aeronautical Engineering, but get only for information technology, you need not get angered. Just consider that Lord likes you to shine as an IT engineer.
If you expect a doctor husband, but, get a husband who is an Engineer, then, this too must be seen as the one allotted for you in this birth by Lord as per your past karma. Be happy.
If you expect a bank loan but do not get it, you have to take it as the wish of the Lord who wants you to be free from loan and He has some other arrangements for that.
Thus, when we see the negative results as the wish of Lord who would have different plans for our development, then, you will not get disappointment and anger.
(INSTINCT AND CONSCIENCE – DETAILED ANALYSIS AND DIFFERENCES! CAN WE TRUST THEIR INSTRUCTIONS? READ HERE!)
(2) WORK JUST AS AN ASSIGNED DUTY:
There is a still better way. The above advices were given when your expectations do not get fulfilled. But, when you do not expect anything particularly, but, just perform your duties and assignments as perfectly as possible and accept whatever outcome it provides, then, you will never have the agitation of mind.
Until you expect something, you will always be under the twins – positive or negative result.
If the result is positive, you will be joyful.
If it is negative, you will be disappointed and then you will show anger to everyone.
A parent becomes angry with his child because he/she expects that the child should choose the way of life as expected by the parent. If the child is interested and talented in Biology more, the father may force him to do Engineering. If the son chooses studies related to Biology, the father gets angry.
You may expect your child to behave in a manner, but, she may behave differently. You get tensed.
Why?
You forgot that your daughter is a separate living being and you have been just a seed giver for her birth. Since she has a separate karma account and hence many unique preferences in her life, you can’t expect her to behave like you.
Identity can be found only in the outlook not in the nature and character between the parents and children.
One may expect his friend to spend more time with him only. But, when that friend goes to perform his pressing duties, this person gets angry.
If we expect only the good signs in this society everywhere, we will become angry towards this society, because, in kaliyuga, there will be more negatives than positives.
If the father advises us to keep the things in their place after using them, but, we keep carelessly somewhere else, we get angry when we are unable to find an item when we need it.
Thus, we alone are the cause for our anger.
Expect and be prepared to face both the positives and negatives in life. Be prepared. Otherwise, you will be showing anger in every moment of life.
Some persons even develop anger on god when they do not get the expected result for which they prayed. This is due to his prayer with fixed expectations.
(Upset with selfish world? Why it happens? What to do? READ HERE!)
(3) PREPARE A CHART OF PRIORITIES IN DAY TO DAY LIFE IN A PAPER:
This is very important. Some persons struggle to manage their daily schedules and assignments of their life. They do their assignments without an order. This definitely causes tension in life.
To avoid this, you should write the assignments to be finished every day, every week and every month in a paper in the order based on their importance. You should first write the assignments that should be done compulsorily to avoid the consequences. Other assignments should be listed next.
After scheduling and listing your assignments in a paper, you can finish them one by one without tension and anger.
(4) DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS:
And, when we compare ourselves with others, we get angry when we are unable to become like others. How can all the people get the same status in life? It is impossible.
Your karma and his karma are different.
Unless we become matured and balanced to see every happening in life as the incidents as per our karma performed in our past births, we can’t stop expectations.
Everyone has different karma.
Even in politics, a young politician could become the prime minister while many seniors could not. This is due to the karma of that person and others.
(5) DON’T BE IDLE BLAMING THE KARMA (FATE):
However, we should not sit idle thinking that everything will come automatically as per karma. We should fight in life with the strong faith that our efforts will always do what is good for us – whether it is positive or negative.
This is the fact: Nothing is given for those who do not take efforts.
(6) BELIEVE – EVEN ORDINARY PEOPLE CAN WIN ONE DAY:
Even the Superpower America could not succeed in their efforts to curtail the activities of the leader of a small country Cuba. This was the strong will power of Castro.
When even the father Hiranya could not get devotion, his child Prahalada could go close to the Lord in his childhood itself. This is due to the faith he put in the Lord.
Thus, we are entitled to perform our duties with will power. Results will come as per our karma in different magnitudes.
(7) BE PREPARED IN ADVANCE TO FACE THE NEGATIVES IN LIFE:
Hereafter, do not expect only positives in life. Accept every happening as it is. Just put your sincere efforts. Accept whatever result you get as per your karma.
If you have this mindset, anger has no place in your life.
(I am unable to mingle with classmates openly. Am I right? READ HERE!)
I always recommend MENTAL SANYASA even within the householder’s life. If anyone dies, it is painful for only those who did not realize that the death is the last chapter for this body and no one can escape from it.
Death should be always anticipated every minute by everyone. No one can live here permanently. Similarly, when we desire for anything without knowing what has been destined for us, it is going to give negative result only.
(8) DON’T WORRY! YOU MAY GET STILL BETTER STATUS IN LIFE:
For example, in his WINGS OF FIRE, Dr. APJ. Abdul kalam had said that he wanted to become a pilot in Indian Air Force. He even attended interview for that and he became only in the ninth list that shut the doors for his selection.
He met Sri Sivanandha Sarasvathi in Rishikesh with heavy heart. Sri Sivanandha Sarasvathi explained him about karma and destiny and he encouraged that he will achieve his goals if he accepts whatever opportunity he gets and functions well.
Kalam writes that he became a new man after hearing his advices and his heart became light. We all know Dr. Kalam became more than a pilot and he could design even aircrafts and rockets in his later part of life.
Why I have written his example? Dr. Kalam had been destined to CREATE air crafts itself. But, he wished to be just a pilot in Air force. So, his desire had been lower than what was given to him. God’s plans are different.
(9) BE REALISTIC AND DON’T HAVE COLOURFUL DREAMS:
Do not develop colorful desires. Because, everyone likes ONLY POSITIVES and no one likes to welcome negatives. God has customized plans for you. Just work like an instrument in His hands. Then, you will never disturbed by anger.
When we expect results, we will be happy if we succeed, and we will get angry and irritated of we do not get the expected thing. So, first learn to do your duties without expecting results. You have right to do your duties; What to give and what not to give – will be decided by the Lord. So, accept whatever you are given by Lord,. He knows which is best suited for you.
In the family, if you expect others to behave as you behave, it leads to disappointments. All people are not alike. Everyone is different. Even mother and daughter are also different in character. Generation gap will also play a role in straining the relations.
(10) ACCEPT OTHERS WITH THEIR WEAKNESSES:
If you accept the people with their weaknesses, you will not become upset. If you expect even negatives from others and they may insult or even leave you at any time, you will not get disappointed when you face negative people.
(Should we fight with others or be silent, if they try to spoil our life? READ HERE!)
In the beginning, in my business promotion, all my invested money in my business ended in zero as I had to spend lakhs of amount in brand building. I had limited resources only. The situation was very critical and I borrowed and invested in my company to save it.
Borrowing usually follows tension. I too faced it. Unlimited pressures from lenders. I even thought of quitting the company promotion at a point.
However, I never got angry on the Lord and on the lenders, because I expected that they will behave so since their money was with me. I was replying them very politely and responsibly. So, they were unable to torture me beyond a limit since I was responding their queries politely.
I did not sit idle blaming my fate. At the same time, I took efforts to clear their dues. This patience offered fruits. While replying them politely, I was clearing their dues one by one.
One day, the debt came to zero and after that all the money earned by the company belonged to the company. Then, started positive results.
This is the benefit of patience and understanding the ground reality that borrowing gives such pressures if the things go otherwise.
Had I harshly responded the lenders, I would have earned their enemity and I would have even gone to jail for defaulting. But, my patient replies made them to wait for my return of money.
So, you too should expect that there will always be some problems in this life. If you are patiently doing your duties, these problems will disappear in due course of time.
(11) EVERY PERSON IS UNIQUE IN CHARACTER:
If you accept the fact that you can never make others to change their characters similar to you, you will never get tensed.
Even a wife need not have the same preferences like her husband. Only the union of two different natured persons is called marriage. Because, no two persons in this world are alike in their nature.
Unless this world has different types of people, the life here will become boring.
(I have selfishness, ego and find fault on others. How to correct this nature? READ HERE!)
(12) START ENJOYING THE VARIETIES IN LIFE:
If this world does not have VARIETIES, it will be boring to live. That is why, it has been created with the varieties to have some interest to live.
Even many gods are there in India, to choose according to the nature and mode of every person.
Therefore, we should learn to live in this world that is full of varieties.
Just imagine this environment that I had already described in some other place:
We will be sitting inside the house.
A vegetable vendor will be selling vegetables in the street shouting loudly.
A milkman will be making sounds and going in the street.
The wife will be trying to prepare tasty food in the kitchen accusing then husband for not helping in cutting the vegetables.
The old father will be reading spiritual books in the veranda or will be walking inside the house.
The child will be trying to climb up the stairs with much difficulty and the wife will be crying from the kitchen: “Take care of the baby. Do not forget yourself in an imaginary world. The baby may fall from stairs.”
One of your friend will come to your house without knowing the busy schedules you and your wife have in the morning time. You need to attend and satisfy him.
When you go to the bank, there may be a big queue since it is the pension paying time.
When you go to office, your boss may cry for being late.
When you sit on your chair, your co-staff may come and request some loan.
During the lunch time, if you open the lunch box given by wife, it may have excessive salt in the curry.
In the afternoon, you may be sleepy, but, you can’t take rest because your boss expect you to finish that work today itself.
(Mother does not understand me and wants me to be like her. What to do? READ HERE!)
Though the office time ends at 6pm you may have to work till 8 pm. When you return home tired, your wife may call you to the doctor saying the child has more temperature.
This is life. Everyone is living like this only.
Are they escaping from their duties blaming this tensed atmosphere? They are somehow managing.
Because, they know that they can’t expect a peaceful atmosphere at all the time in this busy world.
Or, they would have had expectations in their life initially, but, with the repeated experiences, they would have understood the reality of life.
Then, why should you expect a fixed particular atmosphere?
This is the cause for your tension and anger. YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO FACE THE VARIETIES IN LIFE. YOU HAVE A FIXED FORMULA WITH WHICH EVERYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN. IN THE ACTUAL LIFE, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.
Life is a blend of VARIETIES with pleasures and miseries. You should keep your mind prepared to face the varieties.
And, you should accommodate yourself in any situation without hesitation and fear.
You should learn to swim even against the pool of water. You can’t expect to swim always on the same direction of the flow of water .
Just be prepared to face every situation of the life.
Your tension and anger will never disturb you.
Hope these twelve tips are useful to you in facing this life without tension and anger.
(HOW TO AVOID ANGER, UPSET AND FRUSTRATION IN LIFE? READ HERE!)