I am unable to mingle with classmates openly. Am I right?
Qn. In detail:
NAMASTE, FIRST OF ALL I READ ALL YOUR POSTS,AND I AM COLLEGE GOING STUDENT,
I AM THE MOST QUIET AND SHY GIRL SEEN IN CLASS AND MY CLASSMATES ARE VERY EXTROVERTS AND THEY ARE VERY SHABBY TYPE, AND I AM A MODERATE SOCIAL ANXIETY PERSON, DURING PRESENTATIONS, I AND OTHER PARTIES I DONT ATTEND THEM, AM VERY NERVOUS PERSON SINCE CHILDHOOD. I WATCH VIDEOS IN UTUBE ON HOW TO GET RID OF ALL THESE BUT NO USE AGAIN NERVOUSNESS IS COMING. BECAUSE OF THAT, NO ONE TAKE ME IN THEIR GROUP WORKS….AS I AM NOT OPEN….BUT I DONT WANT TO BE OPEN, I TALK AT HOME NICE…I CAN CHAT BUT FACE TO FACE CONVERSATION NO…IN SCHOOL I WAS LITTLE QUITE AND SHY, BUT IN COLLEGE, NOW I AM VERY INTROVRT, VERY VERY SHY AND NERVOUS..PLEASE HELP.
PLEASE DONT LET ANYONE KNOW THAT I AM GIRL
I FEAR TALKING TO BOYS AND GIRLS. I MEAN I AM NERVOUS FACE TO FACE, I TRY LITTLE TALKING IN MIRROR DURING PRESENTATIONS BUT NO USE.
WAITING FOR YOUR MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL REPLY. THANKYOU. NAMASTE. PLEASE GIVE POWERFUL ADVICES THAT WILL HIT MY MIND AND I CHANGE FOR EVER. THANK YOU
(Since this reply has to be girls specific, I can hide your identity only, not your being a girl, but because the reply is customized for a girl.)
In the older days, a girl was considered perfect if she is very selective in interacting with others and be loyal to the family.
Because of the advancement of modern thinking and technological facilities, a girl is expected to be social to be considered as normal.
These are all the pressures imposed by the society on every girl.
A 17 years old school girl once met me and told: “Anna, I am very loyal to my family and my father is struggling hard to give me education. To concentrate single mindedly in studies, I do not involve much in interactions with boys and girls. But, most of my class mate girls have a lover to them and they go to movies with them, etc. Since I do not involve in these diversions, they treat me isolated and odd. Am I right or wrong?”
I replied her to continue to be like as she is now and she is a target oriented girl.
The point is that in a society in which all are naked, a person will be considered odd is he/ she wears dress.
Similarly, in a circle of uncontrolled interactions with the opposite sex, if a girl or boy remains target oriented, he/ she is considered as Buddha or Sanyasi (ni).
If we succumb to these subtle pressures by the society on us, we can’t come up in life.
Also read another useful topic in this site: HOW TO AVOID ANGER, UPSET AND FRUSTRATION IN LIFE?
Same applies to you also.
You seem to be normal with the family members and close friends. This shows that you do not have any psychological issues.
You need not live like others live because others may be even wrong.
If our taste or goal is higher, lower tastes and goals will not attract us. This is natural.
Let me give some examples:
(1) When all others were fighting for increasing their family comforts, some patriots like Gandhiji were fighting for India’s Independence and were struggling in jails for many years. Their higher goals made them to give less concentration in the family pleasures. That is why, they are in history. Can we consider them having psycho problem? No. We kept them in our hearts.
(2) When crores of people were struggling in the materialistic way of life, some acharyas sacrificed even their families and material pleasures to uplift the people in spirituality and lead a regulated life. Can we consider them having psycho problem? No. We gave them a position in our hearts like god.
(3) My sister’s elder son studied very well and she gave him Electronics and Communication Engineering education in a reputed college. She expected him to join any popular I.T Company. But, at the end of his education, he wrote the tough and strict CDS exam for Army Officers and got selected on merit and he succeeded in interviews also. He got offer as officer in defense. Had he joined in I.T Company, he will be like a slave. But, now, he is a successful army officer serving for the country and earning very high salary and outstanding honours in his career. He is getting promotions every year and he is enjoying his job. Now, my sister feels that her son has done a great choice according to his taste. Thus, she thought something; But, her son chose his career based on his goal – higher goal of serving the country.
(4) In many families, the parents would expect their sons or daughters to become successful in money making. When their sons or daughters choose to serve Lord full time and settle in temples, they become agitated and object it. They do not realise that their child has been chosen by Lord to involve in His service. This is the trend of this society. The people expect their children to go with the trends of the society.
(5) In my case, I started my company to become rich and lead a happy life in large house with all comforts, kiths and kins. But, within a month of starting the company, Lord embraced me through some devotees, crashed my material goals and hence my preferences in life changed. I decided to live to make changes in the minds of people to aim for higher goals in their life. Only because of that I am spending this much of time in these different media to serve all of you. Had I achieved my material goals, I would have lived for me and family alone. Now, I live for many. The fortunate thing in my case is that my mother believed me 100% and cooperated in all my transformations considering that her son will do only right thing in life and will not escape from his duties. Such an accommodating mother should be served kindly and I did that taking care of her till she died.
(6) When I was studying in school, 99% of my area friends will be playing cricket all the time. I will be reading all the time. They would poke me as if I am not social. I scored school first. Many of them failed in exams. Now, many of them come to me and praising me for my stubborn position of concentrating only on studies during studenthood.
Thus, we need not go with the society. The society will show so many paths to us to follow. However, the OUTSTANDING PEOPLE CHOSE WHICH IS THE HIGHER GOAL OF LIFE AND MARCH TOWARDS THAT.
In your case, though others do not add you in their quorum, don’t worry for that. Until your goals are high, you need not care the society. In future, the same people may come to you and expect your association.
Time will educate your classmates about which is the right goal in life.
Before finishing, I like to tell one:
“Those who have higher goals usually calm and content with their goals; They can not freely mingle with others because different choices may liquidate their main goal in their life”
Remember this and march towards your higher goals of life.
All the best.