HOW TO AVOID ANGER, UPSET AND FRUSTRATION IN LIFE?
A Question from a devotee (Name hidden):
I have as a person always been very helpful and hardworking. I never feel jealous, instead I run my own race. But when people misuse and misproject, i get very angry. Though i know succumbing to anger in not right. But such incidents really affect my mental peace and i fail to decide whether to teach a lesson or not as bhagwat geeta says karma serves everyone. Should we make them realise their mistake or leave them to their destiny? As such a thing leads to unpleasant confrontations. Which hurts both the parties in the end.
The reason for anger is EXPECTATIONS.
When we expect something, if it becomes favorable to us, we are happy. If it goes negative, we first get disappointment that turns as anger later.
How to deal with this anger?
If you expect a seat in Aeronautical Engineering, but get only for information technology, you need not get angered. Just consider that Lord likes you to shine as an IT engineer.
If you expect a doctor husband, but, get a husband who is an Engineer, then, this too must be seen as the one allotted for you in this birth by Lord as per your past karma (destiny). Be happy.
If you expect a bank loan but do not get it, you have to take it as the wish of Lord who wants you to be free from loan and He has some other arrangements for that.
Thus, when we see the negative results as the wish of Lord who would have devised some other routes for your development, then, you will not get disappointment and anger.
There is a better way. The above advices were given when your expectations do not get fulfilled. But, when you do not expect anything particularly, but, just perform your duties and assignments as perfectly as possible and accept whatever outcome it provides, then, you will never have agitation of mind.
Read this also: How to get away from wrong people who are disturbing us?
I always recommend MENTAL RENOUNCIATION even within a householder life. Be with the people and help them, but, without expectations.
To get rid of anger, we should get rid of expectations. Or, the best way is to divert your expectation towards pleasing of Lord.
Krishna says in Bhagavad Gita like this:
C-2, T-62: When a person thinks of material objects, he develops attachments with them; This attachment gives him lust; The lust gives anger!
C-2, T-63: (This is the continuity of verse -62): Anger gives delusion; Delusion gives Bewilderment of memory; This Bewilderment of memory gives loss of intelligence; Finally, due to this loss of intelligence, one falls down!
C-2, T-64: But, the person who has controlled mind and has the senses that are free from attachments and aversions, attains his pure state, though seems to be involving in the material acts !
C-2, T-65: Once that saadhaka (Practitioner) attains his pure state (as explained in the previous sloka), All his miseries come to an end! In such a pure state, his intelligence is soon established in the Paramathma (Krishna)!
C-2, T-66: One can not have steady intelligence unless he keeps his mind and senses under his control! Such a person can neither have peace not have involvement in duties! Then, how can he be happy without peace?
C-2, T-67: If a mind focusses even on any one of the senses, that sense will carry away a man’s intelligence , like a wind drives away a boat on water!
C-2, T-68: Oh, Long handed Arjuna! Therefore, the intelligence of the person whose senses have been controlled from material objects, is STEADY!
Also read another useful topic in this site: 12 PRACTICAL TIPS TO AVOID ANGER, TENSION AND NERVOUSNESS IN LIFE!
Lord has explained why anger comes and control us. It comes because of attachments with material objects. Only because of this attachment, you expect perfection from others and the activities of others affect you. Why do you expect anything from others?
When you think that you have some big identity for you, you become angry when you are not honoured or appreciated. Therefore, the insults of others affect you.
Most of us do not recognize our own shortcomings and weaknesses. We always consider ourselves right. That is why, others mistakes or comments affect us. If we analyze ourselves, we can identify our own mistakes committed in many occasions.
Today, they are showing their domination. Many times, we too have shown our dominating approach. Therefore, accept these insults, hurts, etc, by others as unavoidable in life. Learn lessons from their activities and develop patience and control.
If you consider yourself as an insignificant person, who would like to insult or beat an insignificant person? It will not be visible to them to attack. So, a humble person is always safe, whereas, egoistic persons are always at risk.
Consider yourself as the servant of the Lord, not the servant of these material people. You are eternally related to the Lord, not with these people. So, stop giving importance for such people. Divert your attention towards other productive activities. Just close your ears and eyes for some time till the emotion goes. Then, concentrate in your studies or work. Always be engaged and never be free.
I too was insulted in the early periods by a certain section of people. But, I intensified my working schedule and made myself busy.
So, best remedy is, stop hearing the accusations and having expectation from them. Only when we expect respects, we get anger when we do not get respect.
Getting angry is a weakness, but, usually, it is shown as a symbol of strength. Let anyone insults you or commits any mistakes. If you get angry and scold him, those words are capable of controlling you by creating some problems.
Whereas, if you don’t get angry and pray for him, it is your strength, as you have not uttered any words and so, you need not fear for consequences.
So, stop expecting respects and honours. Act as genuinely as possible. Involve yourself in devotional practices, job, studies, etc. Everything will become alright.
This is the method followed by me and I have seen that it is effective.
If anyone dies, we cry. Death is always anticipated at any time to everyone. No one can live here permanently. We too have to die one day. Therefore, we should learn to take even death as the last part of our present life.
When we desire for something without knowing what has been destined for us, it is going to give negative result or positive result. Therefore, we have to be ready to face negatives also.
So, do not develop colorful desires. Because, everyone likes ONLY POSITIVES and no one likes to welcome negatives. Lord has plans for you. Just work AS EFFECTIVELY AS POSSIBLE LIKE AN INSTRUMENT IN LORD’S HANDS AND AS A DUTY. Accept whatever result given by Lord as the gift of Lord. Even if it is negative, Lord has given it to make you matured and then give something else for you. When you entrust yourself in the hands of Lord, you will never be disturbed by anger.
Just practice devotional practices with a hope that Lord will take care of you. When Lord is feeding even atheists, how can He fail to protect you closely as you are His devotee?
Hope you can now AVOID ANGER, UPSET AND FRUSTRATION.
All the best.