Should we fight with others or be silent, if they try to spoil our life?
Qn. In detail from a devotee (Name hidden): Plz hide my details. is it right to open our mouth for fight for right thing if some body try to dominate u and say we will spoil your relationship with yr husband just keep your mouth shut wht to do in this situation
I like to reply this based on my own experience.
I have so many experiences in my life and have been targeted by others.
How I dealt with them? It may help you if I tell.
I follow being silent in whatever situation that pressurizes me to react.
I am just working. Some persons cross in my way. But, I do not waste my time in fighting with them.
Instead, I am silently continuing with my assigned duties.
Read this also: How to get away from wrong people who are disturbing us?
Am I incompetent to fight with them?
Everyone can fight and there is no need for any training for that.
However, we should have a set of PRIORITIES in life.
Unless we decide our PRIORITIES in our life, we can not live peacefully.
PRIORITIES means, in which things we should give more concentration and time and which things should be avoided to save time.
For example, in your every day PRIORITIES, you can not give up brushing, bathing, eating, going to job, helping your children in studies, going to banks, shops, etc.
Many of these jobs need good mood to perform effectively.
Therefore, we have to avoid certain things like the examples given below:
(1) When you are working in your office to complete the schedule in time, a co-employee who had finished his works, come to you and start to talk unwanted things. What will you do? Your PRIORITY should be to complete the job in time to save your standing in job. Therefore, you should gently tell that employee that you are working to finish your schedule and hence you will talk to him when you are free. This is called PRIORITY.
(2) You are waiting for an interview. Another attendant crosses you , but accidentally gets slipped and fall on you. What will you do? Will you scold him and develop quarrels? Many people do like that only. They shout at them using abusive words. But, If it is me, I will not shout at him, because, it will affect my good mood of attending the interview. Therefore, I will just lift him and tell: “Its alright, please be careful while walking”. After that, I will concentrate in the interview with good mood.
(3) You are getting ready to leave for office earlier than usual because, today, you have an important sales review meeting in your office. But, in the morning, your mother in law passes some unwanted comment that you are leaving for office so earlier without realizing her pains. What will you do? Will you pass counter comments and aggravate the situation? If I am in your situation, I will just tell “Sorry ma, today, I have a review meeting. Just leave the pending works, I will finish them in the evening”. Then, I will leave the home for office. Why? Because, if you develop quarrels with mother in law, it will affect your mood and hence you can not attend the review meeting properly and hence bad repute in office also.
Also read another useful topic in this site: HOW TO AVOID ANGER, UPSET AND FRUSTRATION IN LIFE?
(4) If a student gives PRIORITY for entertainments, his main task of studies will get diverted. Therefore, though he gets many opportunities for entertainments by way of pressures from his friends, he must avoid or reduce them and give PRIORITY for studies.
Thus, PRIORITIES must be there in our life. One should plan and decide his PRIORITIES in life after evaluating which activities will help them get stabilized in life IN THE LONG RUN THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE, NOT IN THE SHORT RUN FOR A DAY’S PLEASURE.
In your case, your PRIORITIES should be to maintain the harmony among your relations. To maintain this harmony, one side must keep restraint in his actions and reactions.
As said by you, let someone threatens you that he/ she will contaminate the mind of your husband. When he/ she says so, you should not give importance for that because every abuser expects response for his attempts. When he/ she does not get any response, he/ she feels no thrill in proceeding further.
Otherwise, if you too start to argue with him/ her or challenge him/ her in a fear of getting exploited, it gives a boost to his/ her ego and hence he/ she gains a force to proceed further. Since you also have passed abusive words in retaliation or defense, he/ she will proceed with his plan and talk to your husband.
The best solution to this issue is to reduce your interactions with him/ her and be silent when he/ she induces you by threatening.
If he/ she talks to your husband even after you follow restraint, you need not worry. The truth will one day come out and it can not be suppressed for long. Then, everything will be alright and your husband will understand you.
When I was struggling with plenty of loans in my business long ago, many among the lenders spoke harshly about me. I did not respond aggressively, but just said that everything is under control and the loans can be cleared soon and Krishna will not let His devotees down. They could not believe that. But, it happened. When I cleared all my loans within a short period and became alright, they could not believe that. But, they became more loveful towards me because, I was keeping restraint throughout the episode. Since I did not use any abusive words, their conscience questioned them. Now, they started to evaluate all my good aspects and my faith in Krishna even in serious situations. Now, everyone in my circle love me for my way of approach even in challenging situations. I am now taken as an example for trouble shooting in life and I am approached by the same people for any advice for the challenges in their lives.
I am just an ordinary person. Let us take scriptures now.
If you take Lord Rama, He always kept restraint and respect even when He was asked to leave for forest abandoning taking charge of the next king of Ayodhya. Even in battle field, He gave many chances for the enemies to avoid fighting if they hand over Sita Devi back to Him.
If you take Mahabharatha, Yudhishtra was the best example for patience and restraint. He never used abusive words against anyone even when the Pandavas lost their country and belongings. Finally, Krishna was with the Pandavas because dharma was on their side. Finally, they conquered and regain their countries.
If you take Sri Prahalad maharaj, he bore all the atrocities unveiled by his own father and he did not retaliate for these atrocities. But, Lord was with him and saved Prahalad from his own father.
Thus, DHARMA WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED. If you are straightforward, you need not use any retaliation or need not respond to the abuses against you.
Keep your PRIORITIES in life and just concentrate in managing your family in a proper way. Keep chanting Lord’s Names all the time and you will be protected by the Lord.
Therefore, follow my way of approach; Way of Lord Rama; Way of Yudhishtra; Way of Sri Prahalad.
Keep your PRIORITIES and goals higher. You will not care these small incidents in life. Your goal should be to make your family filled with the mercy of Lord. If you do that as the FIRST PRIORITY, then, Lord Krishna will protect your dignity in all situations.
Being patient is not weakness. Only strong people can remain patient even in testing conditions. There is no doubt in this fact.
All the best.