AVOIDING SUICIDE FOR LOVE FAILURES! CASE STUDY OF A GIRL!
A girl (Name hidden) asked like this:
“ i love a guy so truly and unconditionally, even i have a very strong feeling dat he too love me, we are frnds from last 3 years , we share every thing wit each other, every one thinks that we are in relationship, he is really very nice guy, he respects me, vaule me, never misused, i was happy til the time i proposed him, he rejected my proposal saying this is not possible.. i tried to convince him a lot but he rejected, actually problem he family caste issue, I m …………………., he is ……………….., he says we both have different background, every thing is fair in love,even though he know, i m mad behind him, still he is closer to me, care for me like a husband, he is my life, i can’t live wit out him, as we fight if we won’t speak i get depressed, get fever, problem,is, he is not saying me ‘yes’ and I m in a hop dat he will say. me, but I m very much afraid to loose him, n dis is the age my parents are looking for a guy for me, now even i can’t say this thing too him, he is every thing to me, thinking of some one else is not possible, my inner soul accepted him as husband, plz suggest me some things. some time my mind says me to do some things wrong, I m ending here.”
That is why, I have been crying to the youth in our sites not to develop ‘emotional love’ on anyone. You seem to be an emotional girl like many other girls in India.
Actually, a girl may need a boy to live and vice versa. I have already said here that any unmarried boy and girl should discuss decently with each other without expectation. Since now a days, there are so many chances for girls and boys to interact, they discuss everything before marriage without leaving anything to discuss after marriage.
Actually, male – female relationship is like the interaction between cotton and fire. The so called modern youth may argue that close friendship between a girl and boy before marriage is possible. But, except a few, most of such friendships convert as love later. Now a days, the friends discuss EVERYTHING before marriage. Then, how they call it as friendship? If you notice their friendship, you can not differentiate it from love. They will speak and do so many things like lovers calling themselves as friends.
So, only mentally matured people can maintain good friendship as boys and girls. They need mental maturity. The problem is that not all are mentally matured. So, they too start as friends and then fall in love.
One point, I do not understand. What is special in ONLY ONE boy or girl among crores of boys and girls? Is he/ she having any golden body and diamond made private parts? If you take 100 people, atleast 50 people are able to speak sweetly and softly. Your lover is also one among them. Does this mean that he is the only person capable of taking care of you? Are other boys not suited to take care of you?
These are all the actions of illusion and emotion. That boy has spoken lovefully that has induced you to love him. He must have kept restraint in his approach. A boy should be very careful in using words to girls as they easily take the words as if they are spoken keeping them in mind and develop imaginations. So, in the name of friendship, he must have spoken only about studies and job. Not personally. Discussing everything and telling later that he can not marry, is selfish and protective attitude.
Anyhow, as you are a girl, my advice to you is the following:
(1) There are crores of boys BETTER THAN HIM looking for good girls. They will approach you better than him and they will be softer than him. So, don’t be mad on any particular person.
(2) If a girl begs to a boy beyond a limit, she will lose her respects. So, maintain your image by being steady.
(3) Throw him out of your heart if he says that he is not willing to marry you. If you marry an UNWILLING BOY, you can not be happy.
(4) Love life and marriage life are different. I usually tell the youth: LOVE STANDS ON IMAGINATIONS AND EXPECTATIONS. BUT, MARRIAGE STANDS ON REALITY. You can not expect that a lover will treat you exactly similar after he marries you because, he has come from imagination to reality of life.
(5) I am totally against mad love since you have been blessed with intelligence by God. If a boy likes a girl or vice versa, talk to each other once. If it seems ok, immediately tell your parents and bring that love into marriage. If it does not seem to work out, forget that person and continue your studies or job. I am very firm in this view. Don’t waste your time and life by sowing on dry and uncultivable soil. You will never get grains.
(6) So, since this boy has repeatedly refused you, be happy that you are going to get a still better person in your life. Till you get such a better guy, keep praying. God will definitely arrange a good boy for you who will take care of you throughout your life.
So, if you are a true believer of God, forget this guy and marry some other boy. Though your parents see grooms, you personally verify whether he is a good guy by speaking to him for some time and then decide.
Unless you remove him from you r heart, you will be deceiving yourself throughout your life and he will be marrying some other girl and living happily.
What nonsense this is! If you die for a single boy, you are a fool, I tell you. The world is wide and there are gems of guys waiting for good girls. Don’t insult them by committing suicide. If the boys and girls start to die for the breakage of love, this earth will be empty. Remember that. Because, everyone has his own problems with love and married life.
Suicide is against dharma and that person has to wander as ghost for so many years with thirst, hunger, etc. You can neither enter into this material world or spiritual worlds. You will be hanging on the sky as a ghost with hunger for everything and watching your lover living happily.
A girl should be wise and steady. I expect you too will live like that hereafter. Though this whole world deserts, you should prove yourself to the world that you are not an emotional girl, but, a wise girl.
Divert your mind in studies, job, devotion, etc. Plan for earning more and stabilise yourself in this life. Your mind will be automatically healed and you will feel shy for having said like this now after an year or two.
Message me that you will not take such wrong steps and will act as a wise and bold girl.
All the best.