What if the husband doubts wife for talking to others more?
A woman follower asked like this (Name hidden on request):
“my husband doubts me since my marriage i love him too much at first i thought it was my mistake talking or smiling with others so i stopped interaction with every body by the time i realised that i have lost every body in my life giving importance to my husband, but my husband is still the same person not changed his mind set treating me as his slave to do all chores of his family i chant some times but still i cannot see the change on my face any body can notice tat i am not happy in my married life my children are also affected by our relationship but my husband takes care of my children very well thats the only reason i am with him inspite of my regular talks with him to make him understand all went waste his temper raises and beats me badly which i am not able to tolerate my body pains i also earn in a pvt firm to help my family expenses my karma is not allowing me to leave my husband or my children as they are my world now a days i am praying krishna to help me to finish of my duties towards my family and ask him to give me peace please help me out which shloka i should chant please dont mention my mail id or my name as my husband is also a follwer of krishna he daily prays krishna and beats me as well pls mail to my the mail id which i have given thank u waiting for u r guidance”
REPLY:
Husband doubts wife. Or, vice versa. This is the major issue going on in many families.
The expectations of a “Girl and Boy” as well as the same persons after marriage as a“Wife and husband” are different that many girls and boys fail to remember and act accordingly.
A boy likes to speak to many girls and vice versa before marriage.
(Why many boys and girls hate marriage now a days? How to guide them? KNOW HERE!)
But, after marriage, the same boy will like to talk to the girls, but, his wife should not talk to other boys. Similarly, the wife likes to speak to others including men, but, her husband should not speak to any woman.
Ha Ha, this is the interesting psychology of both males and females.
Everyone likes to enjoy, but his/her spouse should not.
Even in any of the interactions between a husband and wife, if a husband acts to satisfy his wife, the wife will like her husband as the best person gifted by God just for her. If he acts for HIS OWN satisfaction, the wives do not get fully satisfied though he fulfill all other duties as a husband.
Similarly, if the wife acts to satisfy her husband, he will never deviate from her. If the wife acts to satisfy herself, the husband may not be fully satisfied though she is outstandingly beautiful and praised by all others.
Thus, everyone likes to satisfy himself or herself. This is the cause for many issues between the married persons.
There is another psychology: Most of the persons in this world are good persons only until they get a private chance to violate. So, one should avoid the situations that give chance to violate.
(How to repent for my violations before marriage and develop devotion? READ HERE!)
Why the violations among girls and boys are increasing of late?
Because, the chances and circumstances for violation is more now a days. There is an easy contact thru phones, texts, etc. Everyone has a phone now. Centuries ago, the girls and boys talked only in person. When the Postal department came, the postmen carried the love letters from a person to person. After that Landline phones came that gave some small chancnes to love and interact because only one phone was there in every house for all the family members. The chance of speaking secretly was less.
Now, everyone has one or two smartphones and carry with them wherever they go and even while sleeping.
Now, it is easy to construct a secular world exclusively for everyone. Most of the users maintain phone locking and keep all their secret acts inside the small device safely.
So, interaction between men and women is very easy now a days.
(What karma gives a spouse who had violations before marriage? READ HERE!)
Both men and women work together and they can discuss anything whenever they want. They can joke, console, exchange videos, photos, etc. etc. They even take their intimate acts as videos and photos. The culture is getting relaxed beyond a control.
So, there are more chances for the creation of deeper bond between two persons.
That is why, now a days, the family is becoming less intact because no one is depending on others as both men and women go for jobs and they have more money, devices to create a separate world, people to console (though it may not be reliable), etc.
And, there are no secrets to know by youth now a days about anything related to the body and private life of men and women, because anything can be assessed by their smartphones.
In older days, a girl can know the anatomy of a male only after her marriage and vice versa.
Now? Nothing is secret. Everyone knows everything. They have got everything.
In this liberalized society, many Indian husbands and wives are trying to maintain dignity in relations and interactions.
So, such problems exist as faced by you.
See, know this psychology also. No husband will bear if the love of his wife is shared by someone else and that husband doubts wife and vice versa.
This is the reality.
(SHOULD A GIRL TELL HER PAST MISTAKES TO HUSBAND? READ HERE!)
If a husband or wife feels that the spouse is having unwanted friendship or interactions with many others, he/ she feels as if his/ her spouse is deviating from loyalty.
This is the human psychology.
Many husbands and wives have trusted their wives and husbands, but have broken their heart when they come to know that his/ her spouse is violating.
Every husband or wife is aware of what is happening in the society because the television channels, news papers and online media compete to give such negative news and every person is flooded and attacked with such negative news from different sources.
This has caused doubts in the minds of some husbands and wives about their spouse.
So, some husbands and wives feel a kind of uncertainty about their bond in the married life with their wives and husbands.
(Should a wife resign her job if her husband pressurizes her? READ HERE!)
So, Most of the husbands or wives do not care if their spouse interact only for need with others publicly in front of their spouse.
But, if there is a pattern or regularity in the interactions of spouse with others, it leads to doubts between many husbands or wives. The husband doubts wife and vice versa.
If a wife or husband speaks for a long time or frequently with sound laughing or shyness every day to someone, the spouse gets doubts whether he/ she is deviating towards someone.
So, it is always safe for anyone to restrict himself/ herself with only necessary persons and discussions.
If there is any need for meeting someone, invite him/ her to the home when the spouse is present.
If there is a need to discuss with someone, call, speak what is necessary and then say bye.
Involve your spouse too in your friend circle and do anything you do publicly.
(WHEN & HOW THE SUPPRESSION OF WOMEN BY MEN STARTED? A RESEARCH CAN BE READ HERE!)
‘Secret acts’ or ‘Private excesses’ will always be risky and the husband or wife is not a Buddha or yogi or sanyasi to remain calm in all situations. He/ she is a family person who has to manage his / her family properly. So, he has to show some emotions.
Now a days, if the spouse is violating the limits, many wives or husbands are not willing to live together and they part their ways as they too earn and they can manage themselves.
Only the children keep them intact in spite of such issues.
Every husband or wife should interact with others only for the genuine needs publicly and any excesses may cause strain in the relations between them.
Once a doubt arises seeing a certain pattern in the relations of the spouse with others, , then, husband doubts wife and vice versa. Then, the doubt will grow big day by day leading to abusive arguments and acts. This is also the majority psychology.
In your case, you had given room for doubts by speaking more than normal with others. You may not have violated, but, the pattern might have irritated him.
(Wife Vs Parents- whom to choose when the wife does not tolerate the presence of your parents? READ HERE!)
Once he loses his faith, he will see you only with doubts.
When he is in a good mood, frankly speak to him that your intentions were not bad when you were discussing with others more in the past and you have stopped everything and you will discuss only when necessary.
At the same time, show that in your actions. Since he too is a devotee, follow devotion seriously and also help him in his devotional services.
He should not beat for this as it is very excessive act to beat a wife and being a devotee. Love can melt anyone. So, continue to show your love and follow devotional practices.
Seeing your sincere devotional practices and chanting, he may gain faith again in you. If you like to melt the iron rod, just a minute or two of heating is not enough. It needs to be heated for many minutes till the iron rod becomes red in color. Similarly, if you try to melt the heart of your husband, you should follow loving approach and devotion for a certain period and avoid excessive interactions with others.
Give more importance for your family. Interact with others publicly in front of husband. Avoid using smartphone excessively to interact with unknown people.
(What are the duties of husband in a marriage life? READ HERE!)
These reformations will gradually change his mind. If not, use the help of a close relative who has some influence with your husband. If that too do not help, talk to his parents and your parents and let them discuss the reality with him.
If all your efforts fail, you have only two choices:
(i) If you can bear his nuisance, bear it and continue to live with him.
(ii) If you are unable to bear, apply for divorce, but, take all the efforts for making him understand.
In any case, divorce should be only the last option after all the efforts fail. The husband too should not doubt even after his wife has reformed. He should allow her some months or years to streamline her activities. Same advice applies for wife also.
Your family is your first priority because others will come and go, but, your family members will always be with you. You can sacrifice others for family, but, you should not sacrifice your family for others.
Hope this helps you.
(Should a wife not divorce even a drinking, smoking and abusing husband? READ HERE!)
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