What karma gives a spouse who had violations before marriage?
Actual Question from a male follower:
Hariom Prabhu, my name is ……………….. and I m disciple of ………………………. (A spiritual personality negatively in news – name hidden by me) , my marriage happened on ……………..(8 yrs ago) . after my marriage I have come to know that my wife has a love affair with a neighbouring boy. i asked her is any physical with him, she deny. And said that we were both in love when my wife inform about it to her parents then boy and his parents deny to marriage and affair break. After one year he approached my unmarried wife by saying that he needs more time to settle his business. then my unmarried wife deny. After one and half year our arrange marriage happen. after five years of our marriage I come to know that my wife had physical with him five times during her love affair. I m in so much tension. What was my fault, i remain pure up to my marriage. What should I do now. We have one girl baby. And she feels very much guilty about her past. she wants to remain with me. What is solution, m in so much tension. Plz guide me. A storm of questions coming in my mind like 1. what is my fault. 2.why I have been cheated. 3. Is their any karma works within our relationship and with her lover. 4. What is my duty now. 5. Will all my religious activities be accepted which I had done with her. 6. Now my age is 33 and her is 31 should I leave her in this situation. 7. who is her real husband me or that boy. 8. my parents and her parents are in old age and they will be hurt. Plz guide me every aspect and phase of this situation.
First, my kind and friendly advice to you is to desert a guru if he does not follow the rules of sanyasa/ renounciation. Only if a guru is pure, we will get freed from our past karma. Otherwise, we will not be freed from past karma. Everyone should keep this in mind.
Also read about how to control sense disturbances here.
Now your problem.
You don’t know whether to accept her or desert her and like to know the answers for EIGHT questions. Let me reply one by one:
(1) What is my fault? (2) Why I have been cheated?
You had relations with girls before marriage in your previous birth and married some other girl. That is why, you have taken birth as a male now and married a girl who had relations with her lover. Therefore, the fault is yours in your past birth. Please accept the happenings as it is.
(3) Is there any karma works within our relationship and with her lover?
Her ex-lover has accepted new karma by having relations with your wife and then keeping on postponing the marriage. Your wife too accepted new negative karma by having relations before marriage. Your wife should have married him at any cost by waiting till the period he gave. Or, She should have forced him to marry her earlier. You do not incur any new karma by marrying her, but, lose your past karma by facing it. Therefore everything happens as per your karma and her adding new karma.
(4) What is my duty now?
Since she is not continuing her relations after marriage, she might have believed that guy and had relations with him. Therefore, if she is leading a disciplined life now, you can retain her forgiving and forgetting her past affairs. NO PERSON COMES DOWN IN HIS STATUS IF HE FORGIVES OTHERS. This forgival itself will make her think that she should be very loyal to you throughout her life. Therefore, please don’t allow this matter to affect your peace of mind.
(5) Will all my religious activities accepted which I had done with her?
Definitely. No need to worry about that now. Because, everyone of us have committed some kind of offences or sins in our life. She has violated in that matter. You might have violated in some other matters. Therefore, it is the human nature to commit violations and feel later. Only if one continues his sinful activities for ever, it is to be condemned. When one stops committing sins when he/ she realizes that it is wrong, then, we should accept them. They need not be punished. Since you have forgiven her past violations and accepted her, Lord will be merciful with you and He will accept your religious activities.
(6) Now my age is 33 and her is 31 should I leave her in this situation?
When she herself feels for her past, do not leave her. Let your life goes with her as of now. You are repaying for your past sins. That’s all. Therefore, accept her with whole heart. You have nothing to lose anything hereafter. The karma equation has been balanced. That’s all.
(7) Who is her real husband – me or that boy?
You are the real husband. He was a cheater and sinner and your wife is a cheated girl and a victim though she had consented for violations. Because, the boys make use of the emotional nature of girls and cheat them. The girls fall victims by not knowing the after-effects of such relations. By forgiving her, you will be blessed with the reduction of karma in your account. That boy will suffer severely in his further births and he will take birth as a girl again and be deceived by other boys.
(8) My parents and her parents are in old age and they will be hurt.
Whatever the case may be, do not leave her and make your parents and her parents in mental agony. Do not even discuss this matter with them. If she commits such violations even now, ie, even after marriage, do not hesitate to leave her. When she is leading a disciplined life after marriage, show your mercy by not disturbing or deserting her. Don’t even discuss about this with her hereafter that may hurt her severely. Your forgiving nature itself will kill her ego and she will feel throughout her life.
Finally, a note. I agree that it is difficult for a husband or wife to digest if he / she comes to know about the past violations of the spouse. However, you have been destined so. And, by always keeping this in mind, you need not waste your entire life. And, reduce your attachments with family affairs and perform all the duties to your wife as assigned duties. Be normal in Personal life and do not punish her since she may take extreme steps out of guilt and helplessness.
Another corrective step can be followed. Select a good guru who is atleast trying to follow the ethics. Ask your wife to accept diksha from him. You too take from him. Then, always chant Lord’s names throughout the life. This will give you and her a new ‘devotion dominated and PURIFIED birth’.
Hope this helps you. All the best.