Tips to deal with the Generation Gap with the Parents and elders!
A Girl Student (Name hidden) asked like this:
“I am unable to get along with my mother more and father to some extent.They are always telling me to do this and that. I feel being discouraged by them.
Though I outwardly get along with people I generally do not feel understood among people. I listen and smile with guests and people. Outwardly everything is okay but I do not feel that I really have anybody to talk to. I want to go to temple but it really is very far. I don’t think my parents will feel convinced to take every Sunday there to at least find someone there. I feel so exhausted easily. used to think solitude is bliss but I realised man is a social animal. I told my parents but they dismissed and told you don’t need doctor. You are just guilty for not studying after joining college everything will be okay and don’t overthink just brush up maths physics and get prepared for college. But I find it extremely difficult.”
REPLY:
Your 1.5 page Query took 15 minutes to read. I have posted last paragraph only with a few extra lines.
These types of questions should be paid and got horoscope based counselling as I have to check the condition of lagna, moon, etc., in your horoscope. Because you have some kind of confusion in life on dealing with the relationships. When getting counselling for personal relationship issues, choosing paid counselling is recommended. We too should survive by earning something in this highly competitive world.
(Is a Girl leaving the controlling Parents who insists their views wrong? READ HERE!)
However, in general, this generation gap is always existing since the origin of human population in this planet.
When the parents were young, some kind of social situation existed. So, they are used to the life style existed at that time.
Now, they have grown up. Still they may be having the same opinion in many aspects.
See, a person would like the movie songs that were popular during his teen age. Because he/ she would have many dreams during that period. He may like the same songs even now. But, his son or daughter may not show much interest in those songs of 20-30 years old.
Before I came to devotional services, I liked hearing the melodious songs from movies. I never liked the songs that make the noise of music.
If you want a few example, in my early twenties, I was very much interested in hearing a few gentle and sweet songs such as Baazigar O Baazigar (My most favourite then), Tum Paas Aye, Soldier…Soldier, Songs of Dil (muje…), Mera mann, etc. Ha Ha, the last movie that I saw in a theatre was either Maine Pyar Kya (or) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, I think. That too, I did not go on my own will, but my faculty members took me there for their birthdays. Because my father didn’t encourage us to go to theatres. He would scold us if we see any movie. In my whole life, I would have watched just 25-30 movies in the theatres before coming to ISKCON. And, when I studied in school, there was no electricity in my house and I studied under the street lamp and oil lamp. During college, wow, we got electricity (!!) and a Murphy Valve radio.
(How to correct both my parents who are violating in their married life? READ HERE!)
After those movies, ie, for the past 25 years, I never ever went to a cinema theatre as I became dedicated to Krishna.
Of course they are very sweet songs even now, but, today’s generation may not like them much. They want the songs dominated by music that boils their blood.
What to do? It is called the generation gap.
After that, I joined ISKCON and my taste in melodious songs changed to melodious kirtans.
Among the devotional hits of ISKCON, I am the fan of a few songs: Govindam…Adhi Purusham, Jaya Radha madhava, Srila Prabhupada’s Melodious Voice Guruvashtaka (ie., Mangal arati song – amsara-dava nala-lidha-loka), etc.
The Point is that my generation liked Melody. Today’s generation has taste in music with no rules that sound just noisy.
So, this Generation Gap with the Parents and elders is always existing.
But, the reality is, without our parents, where we are?
They gave us food, shelter, education and all the protection till we settle in life.
They may insist their own views in many matters. But, they just expect us to take part in our family duties and studies because it will help us to run life after marriage.
(My parents behave indecently and my father misuse my mobile. What to do? READ HERE!)
Premarital life for the girls and even the boys with the parents is preparing us to face the life on our own.
As young persons, we may not know the actual nature of others, but, they may know more than us as they would have experienced with many persons in their life.
So, they never advise against our interests.
They may scold us not stand always outside the house, because more exposure outside may cause more issues with strangers or neighbour.
They may scold us not to use mobile phones all the time, because they were more successful than us without using any devices.
In fact, the whole society was happier than now when they had no devices like Television, Radio, Phone, etc. They focused more in family and devotion with less diversions.
In my teens and twenties, I have seen boys and girls struggling to meet and share their love in private because they could not speak over any media, but only in person. Since the whole village was watching them, they could not escape from their eyes. So, the crime rate was less.
Of course, we should update ourselves for the changing world. This updation should be related to doing well in career and managing our essential needs. In other matters, we should follow the old traditions. This may narrow down the Generation Gap with the Parents and elders!
Today’s girls learn cooking just before a few days of their marriage. Many do not wake up before sunrise. Many drink something without brushing their teeth and eat without bathing. Seeing these things, the parents would scold. No other way for them. They are worried how these children will get good name after marriage.
(Wife Vs Parents- whom to choose when the wife does not tolerate the presence of your parents? READ HERE!)
So, do not see the parents like seeing your enemies or barriers for your pleasure or lethargic life style.
Change yourself. The elders are our teachers and role models. Without the elderly people, no society will flourish. You may have more energy now. But, you too may become old one day. Then, you will think of your deceased parents and cry.
To avoid the guilt of having led an irresponsible life ill treating or not caring the parents after they die, show your love even when they are alive. Let them be happy. They are sacrificing more for us. They do not expect you to financially support them. They will safeguard themselves. They just expect you to take care of yourself nicely to face the future trends of the society.
If you become successful in your own life, they will be happy and you too will be happy. They never act with selfishness.
So, from today, change yourself for their expectations. If you need to do something for your growth, explain them the need to do that, giving importance for their feelings and innocence.
They blindly trust you though you commit many mistakes. They cleaned your stool and even now, they are caring your needs and they just like to see you do well in your own life.
I have advised this as I am qualified as I have protected my parents nicely till they died. After that, I am now serving all of you all the time. I have no guilt and I am very happy within my heart.
Yesterday’s Ekadasi was my father’s Shrardha and next ekadasi will be my mother’s shrardha. I am thanking Krishna for having given me interest to serve my parents till they died.
So, mdo not speak much, just adjust yourself for your parents and do not expect them to adjust for you. They know which will harm your psychology, body and life.
Hope you are now clear about dealing with the Generation Gap with the Parents and elders!
(How to deal if you feel that your parents neglect or do not love you? READ HERE!)