How to correct both my parents who are violating in their married life?
A follower (Name hidden) asked like this:
Hope you are doing well. I am in deep distress. Both my parents are having extra relations. I knew my father was having such bad activities since my childhood. He has had extra relations with more than one woman till now. I am not sure whether he is still having any relation or not. But recently I found out that my mother was having extra relations with another married man who happened to be my private tutor. He is nearly 11 or 12 years younger than her. My father knows that I knew about his past relations but I haven’t told my mother anything about it. I can’t say this to anyone except you. Your counselings have helped me a lot. I always feel that Krishna has sent you to help us out. I need your help. I don’t think they will listen to me if I tell them to stop. How do I deal with my parents? How do I stop them from committing such acts? Also my father is a drinker. He had suffered from jaundice after which the doctor has told him to quit drinking. He stopped for one year but again he has started it. He usually drinks much less than what he used to do previously. But sometimes he drinks so much we have to help him to his feet. He also has diabetes. He smokes too inspite of having heart problems. He doesn’t listen to us. If you can help me how to deal with him? Thank you. And please hide my name.
This is a very pathetic situation for a girl to live with such a parents. (I assume from your name that you are a girl since for a south Indian, finding the gender from the names of northern part of India may be difficult some times).
The parents should be the role models for their children. But, your parents have not been disciplined in spite of having such a grown child like you.
Actually, some men and women turn to such violations if they do not get proper physical treatment within their marital life. Some men and women will be naturally violative by birth though they get everything in their marriage life. Your parents may be one among the above cases.
A boy’s responsibilities does not end with marrying a girl. He should understand all her natural and unnatural needs and satisfy accordingly.
The normal women will not involve in such violations. She must have excessive sense disturbances. When your father failed to satisfy her needs having extra relations, she too must have involved as a retaliation for his violations or because of the inability to control herself.
Whatever the case may be, you are living in a hellish condition. You can’t be peaceful in that situation. I understand that.
They must be in their early fifties or late forties. In a few years, they themselves will stop those activities. However, for a good family atmosphere, they must lead a non violative life.
I can advise two things:
(1) First, select a free time for your father and mother separately. Talk to them that you are very much embrassed with their activities and FALSELY threaten them that you will run with anyone if they continue their present life style. If they do not care, POLITELY (NOT HARSHLY) tell them that you will inform this to your relatives and make them to talk to them. If they do not hear even after this, select a potential relative in your relative circle who will maintain confidentiality. If it is a senior woman, it will be fine, or even a good male relative. Tell her/ him everything and request them to advise your parents. That’s all you can do to correct them.
If they correct themselves, fine. If not, follow the second approach.
(2) If you are a student, join in a college in your nearby city and stay in a hostel. If you have completed the studies, get a job in your nearby city and go to job staying in a hostel.
Or, if you are above 21, select a good groom through a good relative and get him married. Compel your parents to arrange for your marriage. Do not marry any boy shown by them. Marry a boy only if you find that he is from a good family background. Marry and settle with your husband.
In case you are a boy, marry a girl and settle in another nearby town. After marriage, do not visit your house frequently. Visit them with spouse for just a day time (morning to evening) during festivals only.
These are all the only options. If your father hears your or relative’s advice, take him to a de-addiction center and treat him. Take him to a qualified psychiatrist or counsellor to remind/ counsel him of his responsibities to satisfy the needs of his wife.
If your father starts to act normally in his marriage life with your mother, then, your mother too may stop longing for THAT.
Of course, this is a difficult situation and task. But, try to do these efforts and marry a boy/ girl and settle in some other place near your current town.
Chant Lord’s names regularly and pray to the Lord for the reformation of your parents.
I advise you to seriously consider marrying earlier and escape from this situation. Take steps for that.
Hope this helps.