How to deal if the higher officer misbehaves with women employees?
Rajan prabhu! !! I have some query. .I am a doctor for …………………(Defence). My administrative officer. ..The officer in charge has a touchy behaviour like stroking my back , touching my cheeks in privacy when we approach him with official work. .I see him as fatherly figure. I have no other intentions towards him. He is 58 and I am 41 unmarried. I take it in a broad minded way that what is the big deal when someone has touched u when it is not affecting me as physical allurement. ..kindly suggest me about my approach to the whole.
This will be considered compromise if allowed further. You are compromising your dignity since you are allowing him to touch. Stop this.
Even the original father of a girl should not touch on her back or any sensitive portions. From your message, I understand that ‘back’ means sensitive portions only.
There are some prohibited parts that a man except husband should never touch. At the most, a man can touch a woman’s head or palms alone just to bless her or greet her. Not more than that.
He may be of the age of a father. But, he is not your husband. He is a third person.
Since you are unmarried in 41, he might have thought that you will not object touching since you will have vacuum.
This is the nature of men to make a ‘try’ with a girl/ woman who is either long unmarried or widowed or divorced. Since they may have vacuum, they may try to make use of that.
It is very difficult for a long unmarried or widowed or divorced woman to run her life among men, UNLESS SHE MAINTAINS A STRICT DISCIPLINE AND A CODE IN INTERACTING WITH MEN.
A long unmarried or widowed or divorced woman should use her words carefully with the men.
Even if she innocently speaks about the anatomy of actors or the personal life of co employee or her family problems to the male employees since they behave cordially, she will become a target of men since they may guess that she is male oriented.
Because her every word will be analyzed and new meanings found. The general perception of the society will be that such women will be controlling their desires and hence she can be made to succumb to the tricks of men.
Even a woman who follows dignity will face such disturbances from men that we can see in our day to day life.
It is always good for a long unmarried or widowed or divorced woman, or, in general, women, to speak only about official matters to the co-employees.
Even if she speaks personally to the fellow women employees, that employee may tell this information to her male friends in the office.
I do not write denying the rights of every woman to mingle freely in the society. However, I am just highlighting the risks in sharing personal problems with male employees. Be normal with the male employees, but, only in the official matters.
You have your close relatives, father, mother, sister, etc, to get your personal problems solved. You can always use their help.
Most of the violations in relations originate only when a married woman speaks about her husband’s busy or uncaring nature or inabilities to the co-employees.
If she shows herself as fully synchronized with her husband, she will face less problems because males know that she is saturated and hence she can not be corrupted.
In your case, you should first gently protect his actions. Whenever he comes to touch your back, do not show and do not smile. Just move away fast so that he is unable to do so.
If you do like that for 3-4 times, he will understand that you don’t like his action.
Also read THIS GUIDE ON HOW TO PROTECT THE GIRL CHILDREN FROM MEN.
If he comes to touch even after 3-4 times of your moving away, next time, tell him gently:
“Sorry sir, I do not like this. Please..”
He may say: “ Hey. I just touched like a father”
You tell him gently with smile: “Sorry sir, my father won’t touch like this. Please don’t misunderstand me”
He will not touch again like this in future.
In case, he again touches, please do not hesitate to avoid his close presence in privacy. And, if the problem continues, there is a reporting system in defence. You may use those channels to get redressal.
Remember, touching a woman’s back is not a decent man’s action. He must have some ill motive. This is sure. Hereafter, protect your dignity in a gentle manner initially and through official channels if the problem continues.
Hope you are clear now. All the best.
Also read this article to know how the women should safeguard their privacy without compromise.