Should a boy marry only a girl who has less earning, wealth, beauty, height, than him?
A Girl follower (Name hidden) asked like this:
“I have passed M.B.B.S recently and also following devotional practices …my parents want to get me married…they are seeking a match who is suitable for me as per my social status,earning etc. I’ve told them i will marry a boy if he is a devotee only it doesn’t matter what is his family background or how much he earns…my parents are not devotees and they didn’t lend an ear to my words…i was in a relationship and the boy was too much materialistic …he had bad habits like drinking,smoking and many others and he was not ready to change himself so it didn’t work…there is a devotee with whom i used to discuss my queries regarding devotion sometimes over Facebook and whatsapp…few months ago he proposed me …i was not mentally prepared to again enter in a relationship so i rejected…there was also another problem as he is from …………..(An asian country).but he requested me again and again…he used to teach me many things related to devotion…my devotional life was improving …and i started loving him…now we are in a relationship…he is 28 and i am 24…he is an iskcon devotee…we want to marry but we also know that our families will not agree… specially the problem is more with my family…also he hesitates saying that as i am a doctor my earning will be more than that of my husband also it is very difficult for him to get a good job after coming in india. he used to say that our relationship is Krishna’s blessing as he prayed sincerely and after that we came to know each other.
I don’t have any problem how much he earns… even i can’t think of marrying anyone except him specially a non devotee…my parents will never accept this relationship…is it okay if i marry him against my parents will??? i am too much worried…PLEASE HIDE MY NAME IN YOUR REPLY. HARE KRISHNA.
There are some customs in India that are spoiling many families.
A few of them are:
(1) The husband should be taller than the wife:
This is because of the dominating mentality of males. There is no rule or cause for telling so. Such views can be avoided and if the husband is matching in all aspects, but shorter than the wife by a few cms, he need not be rejected.
(2) The wife’s parents should not be richer than the husband’s family:
This is also a male dominating mentality. The boy’s family feels that the girl will not be under their control if her family is richer than theirs. Since they always expect a wife/ daughter in law who will be doing all the works like a servant maid, they may not tolerate if she happens to be non obedient because of her rich background. This consideration is also unnecessary.
(3) The wife should be younger than the husband:
It is also OK if the wife is elder than the husband by one or a few years, but, you should review yourself before marriage. Since the women attain menopause 10-15 years earlier than men, their private needs will be balanced if the wife happens to be younger than the husband by upto 10-15 years. So, in earlier days, the men married the girls about 10-15 years younger than them. When the wife loses interest in sense gratification around their age 50, the husband too would have attained the age of 60-65 that will be their retiring age also.
However, if a boy likes to marry a girl elder than him, he should convince himself that he will manage if his wife attains menopause even when he has interest in sense gratification. If he is doubtful, he should avoid marrying an elder girl.
Otherwise, these things can’t be made strict rules. Just suggestions based on a common trend. There can be exemptions.
(4) The wife should not be very beautiful:
Some men have the opinion that if they marry very beautiful girls, it will be difficult for them to protect their wives from the evil eyes of other men.
And, they also develop some inferiority complex if the wives happens to be more beautiful than them.
When they see many men looking at their wives, they feel irritated.
So, some men like to marry a girl who is homely and not that much beautiful.
This is also foolish because in God’s creations, most of the girls/ women are beautiful in the eyes of men. And, there are some evil minded men who target any girl/ women irrespective of their beauty.
And, a wife will violate only if she chooses to violate herself. Their beauty does not play any role in their violations. Any girl will violate if she decides so.
Therefore, if you find a girl suitable for you, you should marry her whether she is externally beautiful or not that much beautiful.
NOW, YOUR QUESTION COMES:
(5) The husband should earn more than the wife:
This is also because of the male dominating mentality and ego.
The husbands mostly expect their wives to be under their control and hence they try to ensure that the wives are not superior to husbands. They also fear that their wives will not hear their commands or views if they earn more than their husbands.
Many husbands develop inferiority complex also if their wives earn more than them. They start to find fault in every action of their wives.
At the time of marriage, the salary of the husband might have been more than that of his wife. But, in the coming years, the wife may get faster hikes in her salaries and hence cross the salary of husband. What can the husband do in such case?
So, he should give up his ego and consider his wife as part of his family and life. He should encourage his wife if she gets any boost in her job. This will develop a healthy bond among them.
All the wives do not develop superiority complex if they start earning more than their husbands. Similarly, all the husbands do not develop inferiority complex their wives earn more. Only a section of them behaves so. So, a single observation can’t match all the wives.
In some families, the wives alone earn and protect her family when her husband faces an accident or disease that makes them unable to go for earning.
Why should she do like that? Because she considers it as her family. So, she enters into action to protect that family.
Therefore, do not hesitate to marry a boy just because he is earning less than yourself. If you have the maturity of taking the difference as natural one, you can marry one. But, you should never insult him in future mentioning his earnings. You should not even think of it within mind.
Do you have that maturity? Can you confirm these aspects from that boy? Does he agree after thinking of all the pros and cons?
Then marry him fighting with your parents. Try your best to convince them taking your relatives with you to help you when you go to discuss with your parents.
Note: Before speaking to your parents, please ensure that he is a genuine guy. Don’t judge this just with the talent in chatting. Get the review of a few known people. If you are unable to get the reviews, please do not rush.
In general, I recommend the girls to marry a boy from within the same country and within the same state if possible. You can enquire well about the spouse directly.
Hope you are clear now.