How to atone for the sin of the violation of the ethics of marriage life?
Actual Question from a woman devotee (Name hidden):
“Pranam, I have two questions to ask you. 1. I am married from past 5-6 years and still I haven’t united till date with my partner as I don’t feel attracted. Its not that he is bad looking and I am good looking but I just dont know… Also I had an affair earlier that lasted even for a few months after marriage and during that time I even did once with the other one. I was seeing both my husband and the other guy before marriage. I also had one more such thing earlier. But I am not the same person now and I want to be a chaste wife. In the mind I still violate him though not physically. Husband is a great guy and I am so much fallen. Please tell me how to repent atone for the SIN. How will it affect me in my next life. 2. An astrologer told me I will remain childless how to atone for it and give something back to my loving husband and his family. please don’t disclose my details. thank you.
This is very unfortunate.
Actually, a life as a husband or wife MUST BE packed with the LOYALTY. If there is no loyalty between them, there is no meaning in being a husband or wife.
Whether the followers of this site take me conservative or old fashioned, I don’t bother. If a wife is not loyal to her husband and keeps secret relation with another man, then, the husband NEED NOT LIVE WITH HER.
Same applies for the husband also. If the husband is not loyal to the wife and have secret relation with another girl, the wife NEED NOT LIVE WITH HIM.
Nothing wrong in this SEPARATION and no sins involved in parting such a husband or wife.
Why should a husband bear the association of wife who is not loyal to him and has secret relations with another man? Why should a wife live with a husband who is wrongly associating with another girl?
It is very difficult to spend each and every minute.
Therefore, instead of leading a life of quarrels, doubts, spying, etc, it is better to part each other peacefully. This may avoid serious consequences in future.
But, a condition. A single chance can be given for them to reform themselves. Only one chance. If the husband or wife does not do his/ her responsibilities and hence the wife/ husband violated, first they should correct themselves.
For example, if a husband fail to satisfy the personal needs of the young wife for long time and hence she violated, the husband should first correct his mistake of not satisfying the needs of wife. If she involves in the violation even after that, he can part her.
Same applies for wife. If the wife unnecessarily avoids relations with the young husband that made the husband to violate, she must correct her mistake first. If he violates even after that, she can part him.
This does not mean, a wife or husband can violate if the spouse refuses company. This is just an attempt to explore the cause for the violation after it has happened and an attempt to give solution to the violation after it happened. That’s all.
In all situation, the chastity should be followed by the husband and wife. All needs should be discussed among themselves and be fulfilled by each other privately. Both the husband and wife should be very careful in this aspect.
However, as per dharma, a husband should not divorce a wife just because she is suffering from health issues.
If the wife or husband feels that there is no safety of life for a wife or husband if they remain together, this is also the cause for divorce.
As I said above, the wife or husband can be given a single chance to reform herself/ himself.
On that basis, you have violated the marriage ethics though your husband is innocent. So, your husband has every right to part you.
However, since you have done this without his knowledge, but, feels for that sin now and want to be a chaste wife hereafter, you can take another chance to prove yourself as a chaste wife.
I beg you – PLEASE DON’T DO SECRET ACTIVITIES ON ANY CIRCUMSTANCES IN A FAMILY LIFE. The bond that links the husband and wife is that the faith between them that he/ she is living exclusively for her/ him.
If this faith is shaken, they can’t live peacefully.
If one is a an addict to violate and believes that he/ she can’t remain controlled even after marriage, he/ she should not marry and spoil the life of a person.
First firmly resolve that you will never involve in such violations even by mind. Then, go to a temple and promise the deity there that you will be very loyal to your husband from this day onwards. Then, continue your normal life.
Of course, this will not clear that sin immediately since you have continued the violation even after marriage. But, this resolution and perfection can weaken the effect of sin and open the doors for immunity. This will first suspend the reactions for the past sins.
At the same time, If you are very firm in being perfect throughout your life, and involve in devotional way of life seriously, you can get immunity from the past offences.
Once you realize your sins and resolve to be perfect in future, part of your sins is forgiven. By following the resolution in letter and spirit throughout your life and following devotional way of life, you can get full immunity from past sins.
So, do as I said and be loyal to your husband and cut all the contacts from unwanted persons. Never have any contact without the knowledge of your husband.
More contacts with men even with the knowledge of husband is unneccessary and risky.
There should be no secret between a husband and wife.
Keep this aspect as the basis of your marriage life.
If you sincerely follow my above advices, you can get a good life in the next birth, but, some small misunderstanding may come between you and your husband and then get resolved.
In case you completely detach from the material desires and lead a life like a machine with devotion, you can even stop further births.
Further births will be possible only until you have some attachments with this material world.
As far as childlessness is concerned, it is not related to this sin. You can become a mother. The violations will give reactions as the marital problems only, not as childlessness in the next birth.
However, by following material detachment and serious devotion, you can get rid of all the reactions from your past sins.
Hope this has cleared your doubts. All the best.