Effects of being an Irresponsible father in the life of his children!
A Girl follower (Name hidden) asked like this:
“Prabhuji I felt so happy reading about duties you have explained so beautifully. I have a doubt.
What if father hasn’t fulfilled his duties properly and it has effected the life of his kids too. My father wasn’t earning good but he was married off to my mother. My mother belonged to very rich family. My uncle best friend brought alliance proposal and he said that this boy earns Rs 25K a month in 1990s. Which was a big lie. The reason was just one that my grandparents wanted to make my mother fall into trap in a way that my maternal family would settle my father and do everything that they should do.
Still, even after very abusive inlaws my mother always respected everyone with tears and everything.
My father has worst habit of taking loan from the market and not telling anyone in the family. After 10 years when everything goes out of his hand he writes suicide letters and give to my grandparents and they used to pay off his loan then again all that used to happen. This has happened 4 times. Pain is I have read all his suicide letters where he has mentioned he will give poison to me, my sister and my mother. If this was the case why he married? I have very very bitter relationship with my father. He still used to beat me when I was 25 years old so badly that one day I pushed him hard that spoke don’t dare to slap me just as you are frustrated. He tried to hit my mother and my younger sister also and that time we literally had very bad counter as I stopped his hand and warned him if he dared again I will literally file a case against him. I am sorry for writing all this.
(Is it right if the family head dominates & Controls family members? READ HERE!)
Last year his loan reached almost 40 lakhs. He even signed in legal documents that if something happened to me, my legal heirs will pay back the money. Prabhuji coz of him I am already struggling. I am not getting jobs as due to office I have done graduation from open university that too in 4 years. Then I had changed my line and nothing happened there too.
My father didn’t tell anything to us nor we ask for money. We totally do things ourselves. I earn little bit I save alot and help my mother. We are managing somehow and since we live with my grandparents they too help us. But, this time he attempted to suicide and took sleeping pills. Again suicide letter was found. My mother and grandmother some gold was sold off and literally my grandmother begged from those who gave my father loan to reduce. Some agreed some didn’t.
On whole I am 30, hardly earning and I don’t want to burden my mother to get me married. She has saved for my sister and me. I want instead of marrying why not to live forever with her, support her and don’t waste a penny on my marriage. I don’t trust boys also. I had very bad experiences which has made me a person that I don’t trust anyone. I don’t trust my father what to trust any other male. I just can’t. Whenever someone asks my father he starts slapping himself. Overall family dynamics isn’t good. Is it okay if I remain unmarried? I know it’s important for female to get married but all this has left a deep pain within me.
(Tips to deal with the Generation Gap with the Parents and elders! READ HERE!)
I am going in depression coz of all this. Pls guide me. I am burning each day in guilt. I have cried infront of Krishna so much. I have read your other posts too. Still that pain, burn and guilt is there. I am worst devotee and daughter. I am already going through within my mind. My mind is torturing me. Pls help me.”
REPLY:
You must get married, if your horoscope permits marriage.
If you remain unmarried, it will give more pains to your mother.
In general, the mindset of mothers is that their children should get settled in their own life though her (mother’s) life does not have any relief.
You are thinking that you will help mother by being with her all the time after avoiding marriage.
But your mother will not be happy if you are with her, but she expects you to be successful and peaceful in your own married life.
(Is a Girl leaving the controlling Parents who insists their views wrong? READ HERE!)
Will an ailing father be happy if a son doesn’t go for any job to help him in person?
No. He won’t be happy though his son is near him all the 24 hours.
A son is expected to support his parents and at the same time, he should take care of himself by preparing for his future.
This applies to the daughters also. A daughter should take care of her own future while supporting her parents.
Your father is an irresponsible guy. He can’t force his children to clear his loans added by him.
Rs.40 lakhs for unwanted and avoidable expenses is not a small amount. He is not fit to act on his own. He has to act with the guidance of experienced persons.
(How to correct both my parents who are violating in their married life? READ HERE!)
Particularly, he has to give ears and consider the advice of his spouse and children.
Find a good guy who understands your family background. Even visually challenged persons get a nice spouse. Because though they have health issues or physical challenges because of the effects of 6th house of their horoscopes, their good 7th and 2nd houses will be able to give a good spouse.
Similarly, though your father related 9th house and Sun is not good for you, you already have good moon and 4th house that have given good mother for you.
Similarly, you may also have good 7th and 2nd houses and hence you may get a good spouse.
It may take some time to get such a guy, but there are many people with good helping tendency. If you marry such a good guy, both of you can support your mother, siblings and family.
Just tell your father to declare insolvency and get relieved from the debts. Also tell the local lenders and his friends not to give any loan to him and you will not be responsible for any loss if father does not repay.
(How to deal if you feel that your parents neglect or do not love you? READ HERE!)
Also give a small advt in popular local edition of newspapers consulting a good advocate that you or your family is not responsible if anyone gives money to your father as loan and your family is not responsible if anyone faces any loss because of your father.
Show that advt to your father too.
You can support your family still better if you get the support of a good husband. So, instead of deciding to avoid marriage, try for a good guy frankly telling your position and getting his assurance to support.
Other things will happen as per the karma of everyone in your family.
I sacrificed my preferences in my personal life for the sake of my mother and family, but, when I got the maturity that this world has no gratitude for sacrifices but will throw anyone though he is a gem.
You can even see this trend in all temple managements including ISKCON. A devotee will take so much of responsibilities and will serve for the temple like anything. After a few months, that devotee may suddenly become silent and reduce his roles. Another devotee will start to do the same services done by the previous devotee. The reasons are known only for the respective devotees and management.
(How to deal if the Parents behave indecently in front of children? READ HERE!)
So, this world and the people are temporary. Commitments are violated. Even the signed and registered documents happen to be bogus in some cases.
Cheating happen wherever possible.
In this selfish world, you need not hate marriage fearing for loans opr mother’s welfare. Find a boy and take c are of everything with the support of husband.
If you don’t get such a husband even after many attempts, then let the things happen as per your karma.
Don’t decide now itself.
Tell about your father to a police and request them just to warn your father. Or file a petition in the local court praying for injunction to your father to stop borrowing and if he borrows his children are not responsible. Disown from his loans.
Since he will add debts in crores if you don’t take stringent actions as advised above, do not hesitate to stop him from borrowing by following strict options available.
Let the marriage gives new strength for you. Best of luck.
(How women can earn in spite of the discouraging parents? READ HERE!)