Is it right if the family head dominates & Controls family members?
A devotee asked like this:
“Hi. I have a personal doubt. Please don’t reveal my identity.
This is a question.
I know a lady who is a kind soul. She’s is kind to all the servants and animals. She does ekadashi fasting also. She is religious and perfect Now! Apart from this, she controls home members. She doesn’t know how to talk to them. She has hurt them innumerable no. of times. But only good things happen with her. Is this a right attitude?”
REPLY:
I can not conclude whether it is right if the family head dominates & Controls family members, without knowing why she controls others.
If there is a valid reason, such controls within a family is required and not wrong.
(Tips to deal with the Generation Gap with the Parents and elders! READ HERE!)
Srila Prabhupada, the founder of ISKCON movement, was very strict in maintaining the principles and temple schedules.
He never allowed any relaxation in the rules. For him, Rules are the Rules. This is necessary for the Spiritual advancement. So, how can we comment against it?
Many Popular temples like Tirupati Balaji temple too maintain strict time table and rules for performing Pujas and allowing visitors, etc.
Such a strict approach is necessary for the proper management of the temples where thousands of people visit every day.
As the principles are necessary for the Spiritual or any organization, similar principles are necessary for the organization of a family also.
If that lady is in a position of maintaining the family properly with discipline and regulations, she has to be strict in principles.
(What if all the family members don’t trust you and your truthful words? READ HERE!)
My father too was very strict in maintaining the family discipline and he will beat us if we do anything wrong when we were too young.
We accepted it as he has right to control us as he is worried to make us as good people.
Now, when we have so many opportunities to deviate from the moral values, we do not violate the disciplinary principles, only because of his teaching of controlled life style when we were children.
Though he is no more now, his controlled principles are still with us, the children, and we are still respecting him for his disciplinary controls.
So, if her control is for good reason, all of you must accept and obey that.
I have written like this, because, you have started this message telling that she is a kind soul. So, she may not control others with selfish motives, but for the welfare of family only.
(Is a Girl leaving the controlling Parents who insists their views wrong? READ HERE!)
In case, she controls others for any selfish reasons, it is wrong. This nature will become alright when she faces many incidents in life and becomes matured. So, the other parties should keep restraint without spoiling the atmosphere.
She does not show similar controlling attitude to the maids, animals, etc, because if the maid or animal commit any offenses, it will not affect the image of the family. At the same time, if the family members commit any offenses, it will affect the peace and image of the family.
Another reason may be that the maids and animals may not respond to her though she controls them. This may not satisfy her ego because she may expect response from the other person to continue controlling.
Whereas, when she controls the family members, they may respond her with some comments. Or, they may show as if they are hurt. This may satisfy her ego.
So, whether she controls for positive or negative reasons, such controlling attitude may satisfy her ego. So, She may control the family members.
This must be the only reason for her forgiving nature with the maids and animals, but dominating or controlling nature with the family members.
You have written that only good things happen to her. This shows that she has been a good person and has helped many in her previous birth. That is why, she is happy in this birth.
So, don’t see the happenings in your own perspective. View the happenings in others’ angle also. Then, you can understand them better.
Hope you are now clear about whether it is right if the family head dominates & Controls family members.
(In-laws interfering & Spoiling the marital life – Solutions! READ HERE!)