HOW TO COME OUT OF THE PAINS DUE TO SINGLE SIDED LOVE FAILURES?
A girl (Name hidden) asked this question:
“Good Morning. I am from ………. Presently- at the time of taking an important decision of life, I am confused and want to have some kind clarifying words from you.
I always want to lead a pure life. So, I’d give my best for my duties, behaviors etc. And, I’d be always careful, while talking to guys, not to create any wrong impression in their mind. My friendship with guys would only be official. Then, during 3rd year of UG, I met him- a friend of my college friend, accidently in a social media. Initially, I dint give any importance to him. We started talking about general social things and found our thoughts are alike. He s so dignified, caring, trustworthy, so and so. He made me feel special. Gradually, I couldn’t resist my feel that such a guy should be my life partner. I expressed him what I felt and that I dint want to continue with this, since there were other responsibilities in life and that was not the time to decide about future. As he advised, we stopped talking. It’s been 4 years. I carried out my duties with patience, did higher studies and got job. I never forgot him.
Now, my parents started seeking alliance for me. He is doing ………. in US. I mailed him: “I will be waiting for you. I know I can’t wait life-long. I’ll be obligated to say yes for someone, whom my parents show. So, till that day, I’ll wait”.
I thought of spending my days with hope. He replied like “I’m glad u r successful in career. You are so delusional. I can’t help u anymore. I never felt the same way. I will never come. I’ve so many responsibilities for my family. I don’t care if u get mad at me. I should not matter to u anymore. Be mature. See the reality. Go love ur parents. Do as they wish. I don’t wanna hear from u again.”
Though it hurt me like hell, am not mad at him. I can only see the care and responsibility in his words. But I can’t believe that he dint understand me not even to the extent of knowing that I’d never go against my parents..!! Anyway, parents are seeking alliance intensely. IS’NT THAT A SIN TO MARRY SOMEONE WHEN I HAVE SOMEONE ELSE IN HEART AS MY BEST?? IT’S LIKE CHEATING A PERSON, RIGHT? I am in pain and stress. Please kindly give some guidance to clear my head. I beg for Krishna’s mercy through you.
Thank you so much for taking time to read my message. I kindly request you to hide my name if you post this.”
This is single side love. A girl should not feel like that. You have been very strict in moving with boys. Then, how did you fall with this boy even without knowing his intentions of speaking to you? Because of his kind words? There are so many boys who speak kind words. Can you love everyone?
Is speaking kind words a reason for love? Do you know that even a criminal speaks kindly till he gets the works done? Even a guy with bad intention speaks kind words to bring the girls in his trap. Therefore, remember, there are many factors to be considered before choosing a boy or girl for marriage.
(1)The family background of girl/ boy. Whether the parents are cultured or liquor addicts, whether the girl / boy has a sister/ brother. Whether the girl or boy has gained good image in the surroundings. Whether the family is decently behaving with the neighbours and whether the neighbours respect them.
(2) The boy has a good job.
(3) The boy does not have unwanted habits like drinking, smoking, etc. Eventhough he says that he drinks only once a month during some parties only, avoid him because there are more chances for that boy to become a serious drinker in future when he faces some failures in life.
(4) Whether that boy has good character.
(5) What are the expectations of groom’s family and groom himself from the family of girl for marriage.
Thus, to have a good married life, a girl has to consider all these points.
Just seeing his sweet and caring words, you have expressed your love to him. I think that he has not developed any feeling about you and he has just cordially spoken to you without any motives. If he has interest in you, he would have expressed his desire atleast once in chat with you. So, that boy has been clear about his goal. He did not have any affairs with you, but, just a cordial friendship. You would have developed love. That is why, the scriptures say that the girls and boys should be careful in interactions.
So, he seems to be comfortable. You only have developed single side love on him. This is unwanted one. A girl should not cry for a boy. AND, IT IS BETTER FOR A GIRL NOT TO PROPOSE A BOY FIRST. LET HIM PROPOSE YOU AND YOU DECIDE TAKING SOME TIME TO EVALUATE HIM.
ALSO READ HERE what a girl should do if a boy loves herself and also another girl?
A girl should be like a fire. Others should fear to UNNECESSARILY come near her or speak or interact with her easily.
Ok, anyway, you fell in single sided love with him. But, this is useless. If there are no fruits in the tree, why should you throw the stones against that tree? You will always be throwing stones and will never get the fruits. First you should ascertain that there are fruits in that tree.
Similarly, if a girl is expecting love from a boy who does not love her, it is also useless. Though you gain his love by forcing him or by begging him or by seriously showing your love or by crying or by making some tricks, what will happen? You may get him, but, you may not get his love. He may marry you out of emotional pressures, but, he can not come 100% intimate with you.
SO, MY ADVICE TO ALL GIRLS AND BOYS WILL BE: NEVER GET LOVE BY BEGGING OR CRYING OR FORCING A PERSON. Only if the wavelengths of both the persons NATURALLY match, it is called love.
Therefore, keep your heart strong. He has told his stand clearly. For the four years, he has not contacted you. Had he loved you, he would have contacted you frequently. Now, stop expecting that boy and divert your attention seriously in any other activity for one year. After that, marry any other good boy and live happily. There are so many good boys who are looking for good girls. Marry one among them. Why are you longing for un-achievable thing?
Why can’t you divert your attention in worshiping and chanting the Lord’s names? It will make up your mind to come out of the thoughts of that guy and show you a good devotee as husband.
Nothing wrong in marrying a boy though you had loved another boy. You did not commit physical offences with him. You were attracted with his approach and expected to marry him. It did not happen. That’s all.
Understanding the nature of this material world in which every relation is temporary, proceed with the happenings in your life. When you are sure that something is not destined to you, you should not cry for that and YOU SHOULD COME OUT OF THAT UN-ACHIEVABLE THING.
Also read THIS to know whether one can maintain good contacts with ex-lover who married another person?
He has been destined for some other girl and you have been destined for some other boy. “Who is that destined person” is always kept as a secret till it gets fulfilled.
Many people develop love within heart but, they marry some other in this world. This is happening everywhere. Therefore, instead of crying for the past, live for the future in which a boy is going to trust you and marry you.
Seriously think of it.
IMPORTANT TAIL PIECE:
Most of the males will not prefer a girl who begs for love from him though that girl is a good girl. The first expectation by boys from girls will be her shyness. She may indicate her love, but, she should not openly beg for that. They judge that girl wrongly. Therefore, a girl should be a person who can’t be easily understood first by a boy until he himself proposes her.
Also read this article on whether a person should sacrifice his self respect to satisfy others.