Are marriages made in heaven? Should a girl trust a boy who says that he will marry her ONLY IF he gets job (OR) destiny permits?
ACTUAL QUESTIONS FROM TWO GIRL DEVOTEES:
i m very stressed nowadays……..the reason of my stress is relationship…..actually 7-8 yrs ago i had some feelings for a guy….but my false ego was at peak at that time…n i never told him that i have some feelings…..n couple of months ago the same guy asked me that do you have some feelings for me….first i denied then he said be honest….n then i honestly told him that yes i had still may be having the same feelings…..but he is very nice he never did anything wrong to me…..his mother n my mother are good friends….but he is not working yet n even i m not….he is busy in preparation for UPSC. he needs time….he says that he wants 2-3 years, if he got settled he will marry otherwise not…….but i m very emotional n after many years i m having those soft feelings again…n now he is saying this….i m very much disturbed…..i m trying to chant attentively but my mind is so stupid it is so disturbed not able to chant nicely….trying to listen lectures…but if i just sit for few minutes alone i get depressed.. n i thought u can give me the brst councelling
“Hare krishna prabhu Ji.. PAMHO… I want to ask one question. Are marriages really made in heaven? I love one person very much and that person always tells me that if it is in our destiny then we will definitely marry and if not then we will not. Marriages depend on our past birth Karmas like our birth or it is decided in this birth only by our own Karma in this birth. It is my humble request please do not disclose my name.”
Are marriages made in heaven?
Many marriages are made in heaven; Some are in hell also. Now a days, the hellish marriages are increasing. Therefore, do not believe such dialogues. When two persons having two different contrary characters marry, it is hellish marriage. If the persons of same nature marries, it is a heavenly marriage. Thats all.
How to avoid hellish marriages?
It is possible if you know adjustments in life except in the cases if the husband is a drinker! If you marry a drinker, it will mostly be a hellish marriage. To make your life happy, you too develop the preferences like him in your life as a symbol of your love. You first become a sincere devotee. Then, you marry a sincere male devotee. As both of you will be targeting Krishna alone, both of you will be interested in the same activities like chanting, prasadam preparation, aratis, reading of Krishna literatures, etc. So, the problems will be very less.
If two persons marry with some material objectives, we can’t avoid small to big problems since they are natural. In such cases, if they detach from the material desires stage by stage, they will become nice couples.
Yes, all the happenings in our life is based on our karma. Even the successes and failures in love, marriage life, business, etc,.. all are the results of karma.
But, this does not mean that we should not take efforts. Lord asks us to perform our assigned duties in Bhagavad Gita. So, we should not remain effortless blaming karma.
Let me hope that that boy is a genuine boy and he is telling like this just philosophically. However, since this is the kaliyuga, I warn you to be careful that boy will not make the “karma talks” as the excuse for NOT marrying you.
Some persons love girls/ boys and marry somebody else and tell their loved boys/ girls: “Sorry. It is our bad karma that we could not join in life in this birth. Let us hope that we will unite in our next birth. Sorry. Though I marry another person, I will never forget you in my life”.
Some other boys would do everything with the girls and tell to escape that he will marry her after he gets a job.
In your case, he seems to be a good boy and he has been decent in his relations. He has not developed love with you, but, has just consideration. That is why, he has straight away said that he will marry only if he gets a job.
Since he says so without any bad motives, he need not be accused. Only if a boy loves, violates the limits and then says that he will marry only if he gets a job or the karma permits, he must be considered to be trying to escape.
At the same time, a girl can’t wait for a boy for a very long period. Therefore, if your marriage really gets delayed for two years and that boy comes and says that he is ready to marry you, then, marry him.
If you get some other good boy to marry in between, don’t miss him. Because that boy has not given you any assurance to you that he will definitely marry you.
You protect yourself by taking right decisions at right time. Ask that boy to marry you within a short period. If he speaks karma or fate, sorry to say this, leave him and concentrate in studies.
A boy should not speak the dialogues like karma, fate, etc when he loves a girl. If he believes in karma, he should not develop love. If he feels a girl is fit for him, he should immediately marry her. If a boy says to his lover that he is unable to marry her due to KARMA, the girl should tell him that skipping the loved girl is not DHARMA.
The so called “Love” means just to understand each other. It is not to prolong for years and go on meeting and discussing secretly. Two persons can understand even within a day through frank discussions and then marry next day itself.
Think it over. Be vigilant. Particularly, a girl must be very careful in this society in dealing with others. Don’t lose your heart and/ or body to anybody before marriage. And, do not wait for a boy/ girl beyond a limit losing your age.
Even marriage is an arrangement to serve Lord together with spouse. Therefore, marry a boy and keep your heart dedicated to Lord and without losing to anyone else.