How To Protect Girl Children From Men? Effective Tips!
DIFFERENCE IN THE AGE OF ATTAINING PHYSICAL & MENTAL MATURITY
In older days, the girls attained physical maturity (Puberty) only after the age of 15. Therefore, they had sufficient period to attain both mental as well as physical maturity simultaneously. This helped them to protect themselves from the males to some extent.
And, in those days, even the father would behave decently with his daughter if she has crossed the age of 8. Indian scriptures advised the fathers to behave decently with the daughters once they attain the age of 8. Because their female harmones progesterone/ estrogen start to secrete in more quantities from their age 8.
The children attain the maturity to decide ‘what is right and what is wrong’ only after their age 16 or even 18. A child less than 16 years of age may find it very difficult to make right judgements and decisions. The REAL MATURITY COMES ONLY WHEN THE CHILD RECEIVES MORE EXPOSURE TO THE PEOPLE AND SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE.
Ancient Indian scriptures say that EVERY CONDITIONED SOUL (eg: HUMAN) HAS THE TENDENCY TO CHEAT.
This may be difficult to believe. But this is true. Every person may commit violations when they get a suitable opportunity. The majority of offenders commit violations whenever they get privacy.
VIOLATORS’ BEHAVIOUR – MY SURVEY
In my another spiritual site, once I had written about the issue of Child Safety. I received more than hundred messages from the readers about their bad experiences in their childhood.
I sent messages to 100 girl followers who had sent such messages to me, assuring privacy. I sent 10 questions to everyone about their bad experience, if any, in their childhood. I got very frank and genuine replies from 70 out of the 100 followers.
The result went like this:
(1) 41 out of 70 respondents said that they faced violations by men in their childhood, say, even in their age four or five.
(2) WHO DID SUCH VIOLATIONS?
39 out of 41 affected respondents said that the violator was their close or distant relative, family friend, neighbor, elderly relative, etc. (20 girls = relatives; 7 girls = family friends; 6 girls = neighbors; 3 girls = old age relatives; 2 girls= classmates; 1 girl = tutorial or private teachers; Only 2 girls said that the violators were the outsiders or strangers).
This data shows that the violator had been a trusted person in the family or friends whom their parents would never doubt even if the children complain.
When these incidents happened? 13 children had said that the relatives or friends violated when they returned from schools in the evening before both the parents returned from their office/ works. 16 girls said that the incident happened when they were sleeping with the relatives in night time.
(3) HOW THE CHILDREN RESPONDED TO VIOLATIONS?
13 girls frankly admitted that they liked it and hence did not object to that. However, 10 out of 13 requested not to make further advances that pained them and hence escaped.
3 girls said that they permitted EVERYTHING since they became curious and they did not know the consequences.
12 girls said that they did not like such acts because their parents had advised against such things. However, they had to allow that to some extent since the violator had been very caring to them in the past.
In general, out of 41 affected girls, only 6 girls informed this incident to their parents. Others avoided reporting because they feared that the parents won’t believe that since the offenders were the trusted people, or, the parents may punish them for having allowed these things.
35 of them said that they did not report because they themselves allowed the violation without knowing the consequences.
(9) The painful aspect to note is that 2 girl children said that they themselves initiated the violations. They said that they did not know that it is wrong and they did so out of curiosity.
OVERALL, out of the 41 case studies, 4 were ‘very serious’, ie., COMPLETE and 8 ‘serious’. The other 29 touches without penetration.
Now, tell me! Should we be casual in this matter?
Useful tips to protect your children
(1) Since all the conditioned souls (humans) have the tendency to cheat and to commit offences as per the vedic scriptures, it is always safe to keep your children away from other males in privacy. Let your child speak and interact with them in your presence. Avoid sending your child with the males outside without your company. This may sound conservative but, remember, conservative approach will always be safe as far as children’s safety is concerned because they do not know which is right and wrong.
(2) If possible and if available, keep the elders like parents or ‘parents-in-laws’ with you in your home. They may receive your children in home when the children return from school and protect them till you and your spouse return from job/ business. Because, being alone in this time gap may encourage the children to search for external company.
(3) Advise your child to interact with males in schools only in the presence of the teachers or other girls and clearly advice them to talk only on studies and not any personal issues.
(4) Do not send your girl child for group study with boy(s) in their home. If required, she may study with her girl friends in school. It is enough. Safety first.
(5) In case any male relative comes to your home and stay for a day or two, do not leave your child alone with him when you go to office. You too apply leave till he stays in your home.
(6) Till your girl completes standard 12 (or) age 17, give her only the basic mobile phone. If she needs to use internet connection in the computer for studies, ask her to use the internet when you or your spouse is present. Even a small typing error in an internet address may take her to a wrong website and spoil her mind even before she becomes mentally matured.
Compulsorily install or activate a good site filter in your system. Protect your computer with a password and let the password for system be with you.
(7) She does not need any social media account till her age 18. Therefore, discourage her in this matter. In case she opens accounts after 18, you too remain a friend or follower in her account. This will give her a moral restriction to maintain a control in social media.
(8) Allot atleast half an hour every day to cordially discuss with your daughter. Be like a friend for her and patiently hear whatever she says with involvement – even if it is a silly, childish information. Discuss to whom she talked today and how she spent that day.
(9) In case she tells you any information about any male who is teasing/misbehaving, do not become panic or do not cry or do not accuse your child. If you do so, she will fear to share anything to you in future and stop sharing. Instead, continue to hear her words with smile. Gently tell her that you will come to the school and talk to that boy and her teacher. Then, deal with the persons concerned in a proper and friendly manner first. If he does not correct his attempts, take serious actions by reporting to the principal or police.
(10) IMPORANT: GOOD & BAD TOUCHES:
Advise your girl child up to which level she must permit the touches by others. The Permissible portions are: head, shoulder and palms. This may be categorized as good touches or harmless touches.
The prohibited parts of a girl child THAT SHOULD NOT BE TOUCHED by males are: lips, chest, belly, back, back-bottom, hip, low hip, private portions, thighs, etc. These may be categorized as bad touches.
(11) Advise your girl child to immediately leave that person and inform you, in case any male starts to violate and tell her NOT TO TALK TO THAT PERSON THEREAFTER. If he does not leave her, advise her to cry in a loud voice calling you or any neighbors.
(12) Advise her NOT TO remain with a male teacher/ tutor in privacy in any lonely place. Insist her to always remain in the group of girl students and avoid privacy with any male teacher.
(13) Advise her to gently refuse if any male, including family friends or relatives, gives her lift in their vehicles while she is going to or returning from school. If possible, arrange a school bus for her daily transport.. If possible, the parents may drop her in school and also pick her up.
(14) Do not give her exposure to the unhealthy programs in television. Let her watch any one decent news program, spiritual stories, cartoons, travel programs, etc., just for 30 minutes or maximum one hour every day. Let the “remote control” of the television be with you.
(15) TO MOTHERS: Educate her about the changes in her body with the advancement of age. Scientifically educate her about attending the age, secondary characters like hair growth, etc. Educate her about the dignity for girls, physical and mental hygiene/ cleanliness.
(16) Allow her to wear decent dress only that fully covers her body. Advise her not to allow the parts above knees and below neck to get exposed. Ask her to wear all the inner wares. Let her avoid short and very tight dresses. A girl should feel shyness to expose her/ his body or to allow the boys/ men to touch him/ her. This will help her/ him to identify and protect from such situations.
(17) Since she is not yet grown up, she may not have control while sleeping. Therefore, while sleeping, let her wear a safe and un-exposing dress like chudidars / salwars. I have seen that nighties are not safe for children.
(18) Watch the manner of talking of any male relative/ friend. If he passes unhealthy jokes or topics, then, maintain a certain distance from him and do not allow him to mingle in your family freely.
(19) The parents should behave decently in front of children. During night time, the parents should avoid close interactions, when the child is sleeping nearby. She may wake up at any time (even for urination). This will greatly affect the psychology of the child and the relations between you and the child. He/ she may avoid interacting with you closely in future.
(20) As the parents, involve in sincere devotional practices and be religious. Involve your child in simple devotional practices like chanting Lord’s names, worshiping Lord, visiting temple atleast once a week, reading the spiritual/ devotional stories and simple devotional concepts (No need for advanced concepts till her age 18). This will help her to engage her senses in productive activities and in the service to Lord. When the senses are exposed to the higher taste of worshiping God, they will not long for lower and temporary tastes such as chatting, wasting time in wandering unproductively, etc. She must have a duty conscious mindset.
Thus, be a friend to your child. Let her share everything with you. Respect her information and respond cordially. Always have an eye on her. Always keep her in your surveillance till she attains the age of 18. As the matured and responsible parents, you too lead a disciplined life. Be gentle that will encourage your child to be disciplined like you.
Follow all the above twenty one advices/ tips to keep your girl child safe. Many of the above tips may help for male children too.
If you have any other suggestion, message me. I will add, if it is worthy.